Aging

Me

Cayang, we're definitely aging. I'm fat now.

Hubby

Yeah.

Me

For you ah, after all these years we've known each other,

when or at what age I was most beautiful to you?

Hubby thinking...

Hubby

It's that time when we met at Sungei Wang, during the Gempakstarz event.

Me

That time we accidentally met? You with Proff and Eno?

Hubby

Yup. That time.

Me

We were 19. That was the 1st time we met outside the campus.

Hubby

Yup. That was your peak age and time.

Me

I was 48kg!

Hubby

Haha! Don't lie laaa...

Hubby was severely attacked by a vicious mad woman then.

********************************************************************

Me during that event. I'm surprised tho... >.>

I wasn't even using decent makeup. I don't think I even had makeup on.

I've even made a comic of that fateful incident.

Guess I really made a good "FIRST" impression.

HAHAHA!

Need to Clean

There were few occasions where my husband and I would invite friends and family over to stay or hang out. We like having company around, once in a while.

Also on these occasions, I would try my very best to either book a cleaner a day before or clean the house myself. My husband would always bother me, telling me I don't have to go to that extent, as they are the people we're close with.

I realized I've developed this habit of wanting the house clean and spotless before having guests, and why wouldn't I? No matter how close we are to them, always keep the house clean for guests, because having the house messy and dirty, would leave a bad taste in my mouth, and don't even wanna know how the guests would react.

I just don't want them to go to my toilet, with it being moldy and slippery.. or smelly, like them public toilet. No! I want them to come and go comfortably and at ease.

Not to mention my reputation as a woman! I hate dirty houses. I am honestly not the CLEANEST, as my mom (who's a clean freak), but I try my best to keep my very own house clean and comfy.

This doesn't only apply when we're having guests around, it is also, for our own sake, I try to clean and organize everything, so life would be easier and nice.

This is exactly why I like small houses with minimal furniture and items. I'm trying so hard not to be a hoarder. I don't even like things being on the floor, like boxes or beanbags. It's difficult to vacuum or mop.

My husband doesn't help around much, and I kinda preferred he rather not. He's the type to do one thing and ignore the rest, like washing up all the dishes, leaving the fork and spoon behind, or cook but doesn't clean.. or throw away the garbage but doesn't replace the plastic bag. buat kerja setengah jalan, kata orang. urgh...

This is why I'm sort of tired all the time. Come home from work, to clean and cook, and clean again. It's almost never ending. It's extra tiring when you're almost 8 months pregnant. Sometimes, I don't even bother cooking or even cleaning. I would call the cleaner more frequently. Hubby would have to buy take away dinner for us. But, you can't blame me! I've been doing everything from before, so he has no say! LoL!

But for whatever reason, hubby never argue or whine when I asked for help, just setengah jalan je skit. Kena ketuk satu-satu, baru buat. tapi xpe, dia buat jugak. ILOVEYOU.

Ayah's advice

My dad gave me this advice after he found out I had a boyfriend in high school (I was 16).

He wasn't mad that I had one, just disapprove of it.

He said,

"I'm not saying you shouldn't experience these things, but, the higher education you go, the more people you'll meet, more great men you can choose from. Don't waste your time with things like relationships at a young age."

I have to say, I agree and disagree though.

But, what I agreed on was, if I am focus on what I'm passionate about, I'll find someone within the same range as I am.

It's not about, who's stupid or who's better, it's about, who's worth it..

Frankly, I'm not the smartest one in a bunch, but, I had time and space to see other things than relationships. And within that time, my husband and I found each other while pursuing our passion. That's how I like it. It's not blindly love and lust, it's passion and interest as well.

Thank you for that piece of mind, Ayah.

Tummy Table

Was surfing the net on the bed,

when I got uncomfortable and lay on my back.

Put laptop on my tummy,

and was amazed at the height it gave me.

"Cayang, look! My new table top!"

I exclaimed towards my husband.

"Jangan la buat macam tu. Baby panas la nanti..."

he scolded.

He's already overprotecting his child before he is born.

Ok fine.

Buat lawak sedih

Pergi Cameron Highland,

Nak cuti-cuti over the weekend.

Ambil apartment, ambil master bedroom.

Seronok ada bathtub.

Simpan niat nak mandi bathtub,

SEKALI APARTMENT XDE AIR DAA!!

HAHAHAAH!!

(Cameron Highlands had issues with JPA, water supply didn't come through.)

oh well, maybe next time, ok?

*merajuk inside

sad doctor's visit

So, I had my 3rd cramping during this pregnancy, and I skipped work today. I went to the clinic to claim my MC, also, to cry over some preggy problems, like back pains and vaginal issues (just gonna be straight here).

1st, I talked about the crampings, which doc said, it's normal and isn't too serious unless I have them constantly, like, more than 10 times within 12 hours. That's probably the contractions. For now, maybe it's just the baby weight and irregular exercises.

2nd, about my vaginal problem, which I thought maybe a fungal infection or something. But since no bleeding, discharges or any liquid substances coming out, which I know I don't have any, it's maybe just sweating, as preggers gets hot and sweats continuously (you bet, I do!! so uncomfy!) It's just body odor, which I'm really disgusted with. So, I bought a new herbal vaginal wash, and pray to Allah, it'll work.

3rd, about my back pain. I know, preggers has to go through this at some time, but it's really uncomfortable. I just wanted some solutions to relieve it. But, the doctor just shook her head, smiling pitifully over me. "Bear with it, just a little while longer. You only have 2 more months to go. No pill or ointment is gonna work on it, for now. Sabar ye." I was so sad to her respond. She warned me, no pills, no meds, no ointment, and especially, no massages. Just bear with it and rest when needed. 

At the end of the session, I asked for an MC, which she gladly gave it to me. She said I need rest. But she was also surprised, she thought I was a housewife all this time because I declined any MC's she wanted to give me before this. LoL. Me, housewife? I wish, doctor. Hahaha!

At the end, I came back home, had a good rest with my furboys. All is well, though, back pain is still here. ;'(

Just 6 to 8 weeks left! Can't wait to finally meet you, baby! <3 div="">

Praying for a better life

Let's face it.

I'm not really the most pious, obedient, or even a slightest good Muslim out there. I don't pray much, or even at all before. I only pray when I'm forced to, or simply just "pretend" to pray, by staying in the room, waiting on my phone, for the right amount of time that I'll be "finishing" praying.

YES. I'm that f*cked up. I deserve hell. I know.

But ever since, I got to my third trimester of pregnancy, I got this sudden urge to pray as often as I could. I'm scared to miss any. And even when I do, I would think of the consequences that could befall me, or worst, my baby.

To me before, when it comes to religion, I only took what would give advantages to me (which is very bad and selfish) like, Muslim women's right. I don't even read the Qur'an, let alone khatam, (no, I have yet to khatam, even once in my life). I can't even read it that well. I refuse to learn, as I'm occupied with worldly things like work and sleep.

No, I'm not boosting on how repented I am, nor am I expressing how lowly (or humble) I am compared to others.

I just realized that I'm reaching towards 30, am married and about to have a child of my own, and still how an ignorant human being I am towards Allah.

Just this morning, I was thinking about skipping my Subuh (because I was tired from our trip home from Cameron Highland), and all I could think about was, how sinful I am to even have the intention of skipping it. What if I die before I wake up for work? What if this one time I skip could cause me to give birth to a stillborn? Yes, I know, Allah is forgiving and understanding, but what if it's the limit of His forgiveness from all the sins I made from my youth?

Right now, I'm trying my best to pray as much as I can (5 times a day, in syaa Allah). Trying to be a better Muslim, and that's a good start for me. I'm also trying my best to dress better and to have a clear clean mind and heart.

Others might say, "dah tua gini baru nak taubat." but, I got to start somewhere.

Puteri Nurul here,
trying to be a better Muslim,
a better woman,
a better human being,

for the sake of herself, her child and her husband.

I'm sorry, Ayah, for all the sin I did, that you had to bear. And I pray hard that Allah accepts my repent, so you don't have to suffer because of me, in the Afterlife. In syaa Allah.

Amin.