Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Dentist

I'm ok with doctors or dentists... medical checkups.. I'm good...
But what I'm terrified of is.. the SYRINGE!! I hate needles to the max! terrified of it, actually. They poke through your skin and shoot in liQuid that makes your skin feels like bursting.

Today, I had a GRUESOME visit to the dentist due to my horrible tooth decay. Not that I don't brush my teeth well. It's just that, I let the decay be for almost 6 to 7 years to rot in my mouth. So it got worse, eventually, obviously lah.

The dentist was a nice lady, checking my tooth and explaining how severe it was. Basically, it has already deepen till it reached my roots. No wonder it felt deadly. So then, the only way to cure this is to do the Root Canal Procedure, which is a bit costly, but heck, for the sake of my daily meal pleasures, I agree. 

I was calm and composed, until the dentist held the SYRINGE! OH GOSH, how I wanted to cry! For heaven sake, she was poking it in my mouth! 2 BOTTLES OF THE ANESTHETICS! The 1st bottle wasn't enough to numb my root, but the 2nd one really takes the cake! My lips felt 2 strikes of this hurtful bursting sensation, and I was numb up to my ear! Half of my mouth was malfunctioning, i couldn't even rinse my mouth without spilling. LOL!

So, she did the drilling and pasting and all, and it was all good. I have another 2 visits to finish up the whole process.

After that, I brought my fiancee for lunch (as promised), and since the anesthetic is still working, I sure had a hard time slurping my noodles. Sigh. I even can't feel when I'm chewing (literally chewing) my lips. I had my fiancee slapping and pinching my numb cheeks and can't feel a thing, for almost 3 to 4 hours. It was hilarious.

p.s: I'm still traumatized with the syringe... :(
p.s.s: Just thinking I have another appointment makes me Quiver...

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Remember me?

Today moves as usual...
I came out from the bank and my dad was going to drove away, until an old lady came waving at us.. i though she was one of my dad's old acQuaintances, so i just smiled. Then she looked at me and said,

"you're Nurul right??"

I was so shocked! I couldn't recognize her at all?

"this is your eldest daughter right? Nurul? Remember me? Cik Eda? I used to be your bus driver when you were still in primary? I helped you carry your bag around." (probably because i was so skinny back then)

As far as i can remember, i did my 1st and 2nd primary grade in TTDI... So, maybe she did. Her eyes were so honestly teary and happy, so i reached out to Salam her. She grabbed my hands, and my face, kissed both my cheeks so caring-ly as if i was her long lost granddaughter. It was so sincere. But sadly..

"i'm sorry. i don't remember. I was too young."

She just laugh away, telling me not to forget her next time. It was short but sweet. A short reunion between us, even though i don't remember her. I felt so bad... :( But to think that someone like me still is remembered by her for almost 19 years, i am truly touched. Thank you.

Too bad, my dad was in a hurry, so i didn't get to get her contacts, or i would love to have tea with her. But surely, we will meet again soon, In syaa Allah.


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Life Hiccups

in life, there will always be hiccups, where you have to stop doing what ever in order to control your own freak nature show. at least, that was what i did when i have hiccups. the real hiccups.

but life hiccup is different. because of you yourself, you decided to stop for no reason. probably the only reason is laziness or lack of confidence. but by the time you realised it, you're already covered with doubt, misery and guilt.

for me, i'm having a major one. for months, i am unemployed and i still have the will to build a family. i have now nothing on me. i'm feeling useless, stupid and can't seem to do anything right. i'm depressed. even when i try to bring myself back on my feet, there will always that doubt on my back bringing me back down, laying motionless in my room of nothingness. 

i'm sucked in. with no more will power to achieve anything. i left my blind ears back for people to scream at. i continuously promises to wake up for my deep wide eyed slumber, yet i can't decide when will that happen. my lips can only say words you want to hear but isn't really from the soul.

whisper. whisper to me. put my feet up against yours and walk for me till i can walk again. i need it. i need that most. no one in this world is really my friend. no one but ALLAH. i must pray. seek forgiveness for the ill deeds i have done. seek refuge from evil doers of the world, be it man or monster.

i seek shelter from you, ya ALLAH. make this sinner clean again, for you are the only one most forgiveful and loving. AMIN.

i am having a life hiccup. a major one, and i think i know why...

Saturday, March 15, 2014

10 years ago~

Lets see... #throwback
10 years ago eyh?

It was 2004, young lady at 16, secondary 4.

I was a happy goody two shoes girl. But nobody actually knew, I had my first heartbreak this year, when I just knew my 1st crush ever is going to move away to MRSM. Somehow, i knew that it was a mere crush and we would eventually move along separately. But I didn't expect it to be that soon. It wasn't a devastating, heart aching, suicidal heartbreak, in fact it was like a 'meh' thing. It was only one side anyway. We weren't even friends. Just someone I look from a far. *anime scene*

I have also lost a close friend of mine. My partner in crime in drawings. Her drawings were incredibly beautiful, and to compared to mine, it was amateur. But she never fail to praise me and to give me awesome spirit for drawing. We would just doodle away together. But her family moved to Perak and we had to say goodbye. Apart from my crush's transfer, my farewell for her was more saddening. We cried and held each other, saying silly things that she'll meet me again in a helicopter and we fly together to Japan.

Anyway, with that guy gone away, I literally wasn't interested to anyone. It should be a lay back year for me. PMR just ended and SPM is not until next year. The seniors called this period 'The Honeymoon Year'. The teachers really should cut us some slack. LoL. I joined as many clubs as I could, excluding the sports clubs. I was (and still am) never the athletic type anyway. 

Lets see... I've joined, the Karate-Do club, English Society, and Choir. I stayed back after school almost everyday even when there weren't any club activities. Some of my time I would linger around the school blocks, chatting with anyone. Then I would eventually loiter around the school botanical garden. The gardening club would always welcome me around, and I would voluntarily help with the gardening.

At odd times, I would just stay round the school canteen, chatting away with the canteen workers. Sometimes, they would be generous enough to give me free food or drinks (muka tak malu). I would play round with their son in the canteen with bunch of other juniors.

One fine day, a senior prefect called me. Knowing myself, I was determined to keep my school record as clean as I can, so I thought I've gotten into trouble, but I was actually appointed to be a prefect. Oh well, if that's so, that's it. I was glad tho, I didn't get into any trouble, knowing how mischievous my classmates is. LoL.

Speaking of classmates, after the PMR results, I intended to join in the literature class. I know my strength and I was very sure I want this class. The teachers insisted for me to join the economic class, as it suits with my results, but I declined. I mean, come on. Me? Economics? Numbers?? Nah... 

Upon entering the class, I was shocked. Oh hoo.. Now I know why the teachers want me to join other classes. Half of this class is filled with brutal and rather naughty boys. LoL. But after knowing them, no matter how mischievous these troublemakers are, they are very loyal and true. Sure they aren't academical smart, they have ways to show gratitude. Every night, I would tell my sister how my classmates were. She would get so annoyed and eventually ignore me. I mean, how could I not share? They were so comical and sweet at times. One time, one of our classmate had a terrible accident, and half of the class (all of the boys) would skip school to visit. This had gone for a week. Oh! I was also the vice class representative, and my 1st boyfriend was the class representative (coincidence?)

I had my 1st boyfriend in this class, this year. He told me he had admired me from a far since Form 1 (well, oppss.. while I was stalking my crush, he was stalking me). The funny thing is, I knew he was around when we were Form 1, but I literally thought he transferred school or something. I didn't know he was around until we got together in this year's class. Gosh I was so naive and dense! Anyway, he asked if we can be a couple. The problem is, I have never engage this sort of situation and i was dumbfounded. So I said, I'll think about it. For awhile, I sat in a corner, thinking, how does thing 'couple' thing work? I surely read too much of shoujo manga not to understand this, but for it to happen in real life? So, I went back to him and said that I'll give it a try. Not that I have any mutual feelings, but I'll try. There you have it. My 1st couple. But we had a lot to encounter. My lack of emotions and insensitivity always made him upset, and by upset, i meant cry. Gosh I was mean! Then there's the other admirer, which happens to be his own best friend. It was flattering but I was like, 'oh, that make sense. The hair clip, the watch, the cards.'. I just accepts them without any knowledge of whats happening. I just thought he really cares for me as a senior. *face palm*. My 1st relationship didn't last long though. Lasted about 3 months. I just broke it off. There was no mutual feelings and so, I got bored. Him, on the other hand, took it hard and became anti girls for months. Refuse to talk to me, and had this markings on his bag about how he hate girls. But we became friends again eventually, since we need to work together as class representatives.

Students around this age, would eventually select or get selected for a god-brother or sister. Not officially, but just for the sake of company. I, too, had a lot of em. To them, I was the tomboyish baby sister they need to look after, or so they said. So I thought of them as family as well. I don't have an elder brother or sister back home, so I appreciate them more. They would hang out with me at the canteen and accompany me drawing. I would also watch them play basketball in the evening after school.

Around this year too, I had my 1st penpal. We meet on a literal penpal website (i don't remember which site though). I was an internet noob at that time, so we only exchanges emails almost every week. We had similar interest in anime and comics, so we hit off right away. He's from Netherlands and he taught me a lot of things about his culture and country. That was my 1st time knowing someone out of the country other than Singapore. As exciting as it is, he too was excited to meet someone from the asian part of the world.

Those were the days where money, jobs and bills didn't matter. I had a good school life, and I have appreciated it a lot. Never a moment I thought of wanting to grow up fast. I just wanted to stay a school girl as long as I can. To learn to love, make friends, appreciate those little things we thought would last forever. Can say, i was a Blooming 16.. :)

This is my story, 10 years ago. Whats yours?

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Fruits

i like fruits. Especially when they are chilled. I like every type of fruits.
But my favourites are the ones that are crunchy and juicy,like,

watermelons

golden pears

water apples

oh gosh im drooling.. someone get some tissues!

p.s: ok.. this is childish and random.. gosh~ ;p

I NEED THAT PS4 NOW!!

I made a promise to my fiancee to buy a ps4 to be part of our hantaran. 
I really dont mind if he wanna hogs it up later on.. 

NOT UNTIL I'V FOUND OUT THIS NEWS!!!


)

OH GOSHH!! IMMA HOG THAT THANG FOSHOOO!!!!

thats it!! 2 consoles please!!! when this game comes out, hell yaww its ma birthday!!!
AND DONT CALL ME TO WASH DISHES WHEN IM GAMING!!

oh my god.. the feels.. this nostalgic feels... im crying~ its so beautiful...
Tetsuya Nomura, you've teased us for years, but its worth the wait...

p.s: i need to replay everything now..

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

#pray4MH370

It has been 4 days since the disappearance of Malaysian flight MH370. No news since they vanished from the radar. Families, friends, colleagues. All worried for those on board. People makes many speculations, assumptions, controversies and accusations, but none of that can solve the mystery. Lets just pray (sincerely) for the return or discovery of the plane. We do not know what actually happened, but we can pray for our officers to find them soon, to report that they have found them.

How guilty i felt when, on the day this tragedy occurred, i was helping out at a Dinner event for BSN in Sama-Sama Hotel, which where the 1st press conference held. It is also where family members of the victims are suppose to gather. One man, pushing an elderly woman who seems to be hiding her tears, asked us where's the location of the gathering. Not knowing where, i told them to ask the hotel staffs. They went away with heavy heart. It almost brought me down to tears. While the event was ongoing for the night, families and travelers cross our way in a hurry. I just watched them pass by silently.



Recently, I have this strange dream. Probably just a dream. I don't really believe in interpreted dreams, as it can be syirik. But in this dream, the plane is still flying, but doesn't have a destination. The passengers and crews are all asleep, including the pilot and his co-pilot. Sleeping and flying is the sky of orange, white and blue. No injuries or harm, just asleep.

#pray4mh370

Hugs

 When I was younger, I always felt a tad jealous of siblings or friends who were able to hug their parents freely and at any time. Frankly, ...