Togetherness

People say, even when you're with somebody for years, it's a different story once you get married. It won't be as beautiful, romantic anymore.

I'd just brush those words off my shoulders. Topet and I are too close and lovey-dovey to be dull.

Boy, how wrong I was.. but, it's not as bad as I thought.

Yeah, I admit, we got dull and grey. Everything is a routine, and everything is made to be untold (meaning, things done without much communication). It got boring and the marriage got so stale, so we decided to have a child, hence, MIKA...

Once Mika came in, the 1st few months was the most beautiful moment. This is going to spark our family up again. But things got wilder than before. We are both new and still wet behind the ears when it comes to parenting, so there's sooooooo much to argue about. We both just won't back down.

Even now, I realized, I got more aggressive and angry whenever I talk to my husband, especially when he won't even pay attention, but I too, notice my own flaws. I get more disagreeable and unpleasant, not to mention emotional and negative. I'm not sure why.

But, one thing for sure, no matter how I think I'd get aggressive, I keep in mind, not to keep unwanted feelings under, or I'm bound to explode (undesirable) or fall into depression (very scared of). I share things with my husband, either he agrees or not, he has to bear this with me, it's why got married in the 1st place; to share.

My husband, on the other hand, can be sooooo... urghh... (but I love him so much, it frustrates me). He pays so little attention when talking, and really don't know how to sugarcoat words (not that I ask a lot of). At least, to listen to my opinions, rather than forcing me to scream it out to you. This is exactly why I like to decide things myself because he can be so unattentive and wishy-washy... I wish to just snap his PS4 in half so he can stop playing GTAv ALL THE TIME.

Cayang, I really miss our small pillow talks, about simpler things like aliens and the cosmos. Luckily, I still get snuggles when I demand it... I really wish you'd pay more attention to me than looking for money all the time... sigh~

Being Trendy? Me?

Honestly, all my life i tried to be trendy, chic and sophisticated.. and without fail... i failed.. Just to make it less butt hurt, i tell the world (and apparently myself as well) that I prefer to be comfortable with whatever I have to wear, when the truth is, I just can't put my finger on where to mix and where to fix..

Every time I see somebody elegant or chic or hipster-ish, i tend to think, "wow, she's looks so cool. I should wear like her." And at the point when I tried, its either uncomfortable or made me looks pretentious (or simply said, stupid.) So basically, it's always back to jeans and tee, with a stupid ponytail behind my back.

Some days, I would Google/Tumblr/Pinterest/Youtube some fashion blogs or vids and tried to mix and match of what i have, and sometimes, my sister's. And some days, I would go begging for some tips (or rather, having her to pick) of what I should wear to what occasions. With that, she could make me look stunningly amazing, but at times, she could go overboard, of which, I appreciate her handy works though. But to and fro, looks could never be top priority on my 'things to be on my top priority list'. I would always (and ALWAYS) have my comfy, lazy dress up days, which maintained to be, everyday. Until the day comes, of when some one ought to be looking gorgeous or some one complained of my dressing. Also especially after i randomly encountered some serious fashion beauties online (especially Tumblr. Curse you tumblr girls.)

I tried. Seriously, I did.. But I always ended up looking lame and I'll feel disgusted with myself, and always having wardrobe malfunction. I guess, that's why they call it a WARdrobe (literal warzone for women.) *punintended*.

Just today, my fiance advised me to buy some clothes to match my recently bought turquoise wristlet, and I told him, its the 'TREND' to hold one item different than others of my outfit. He kind chuckled when I said the word TREND. It made me more embarrassed when he said its weird when I'm the one mentioning it. Thus, making me realized how lame I looked all this while. But also made me realized, all this time, he loves me even when I looked the lamest. Oh well...

But believe me! I will (try) to look as mature possible! Not the old women type, but at least par to my age (group). People mistakenly took me at the wrong age (group) probably because of how I represent myself. Ma'am, I'm way older than 17 or 18 or 22, ma'am.... Not sure if its a compliment, but that weird (almost to disgust) disbelieve look on your face, offends me abit. Clothing probably plays a big role of how you present yourself. I really need to buff up.

Throw away, huge sweat shirts and baggy jeans.. Throw away lame graphic tees and makcik dresses. Mainly the sweaters lah... I know my fiance hates my previous Diploma sweats... lol... Time for blouses, cardis and arbayas... need to spice up some sense of style.. like always... sigh.. wish me luck... >.>

p.s: Pray I'll get a better job/career, so i get some style.. ;p

p.s.s: made me reminisce my Diploma days... T-shirts, overwashed sweaters, 1 tone jeans.. 'selipar jepun'.. no wonder my friends are kinda (kinda) relieved that I changed, abit... ;p

This H.Potter Anime Is To Die For!

Remember me?

Today moves as usual...
I came out from the bank and my dad was going to drove away, until an old lady came waving at us.. i though she was one of my dad's old acQuaintances, so i just smiled. Then she looked at me and said,

"you're Nurul right??"

I was so shocked! I couldn't recognize her at all?

"this is your eldest daughter right? Nurul? Remember me? Cik Eda? I used to be your bus driver when you were still in primary? I helped you carry your bag around." (probably because i was so skinny back then)

As far as i can remember, i did my 1st and 2nd primary grade in TTDI... So, maybe she did. Her eyes were so honestly teary and happy, so i reached out to Salam her. She grabbed my hands, and my face, kissed both my cheeks so caring-ly as if i was her long lost granddaughter. It was so sincere. But sadly..

"i'm sorry. i don't remember. I was too young."

She just laugh away, telling me not to forget her next time. It was short but sweet. A short reunion between us, even though i don't remember her. I felt so bad... :( But to think that someone like me still is remembered by her for almost 19 years, i am truly touched. Thank you.

Too bad, my dad was in a hurry, so i didn't get to get her contacts, or i would love to have tea with her. But surely, we will meet again soon, In syaa Allah.

#pray4MH370

It has been 4 days since the disappearance of Malaysian flight MH370. No news since they vanished from the radar. Families, friends, colleagues. All worried for those on board. People makes many speculations, assumptions, controversies and accusations, but none of that can solve the mystery. Lets just pray (sincerely) for the return or discovery of the plane. We do not know what actually happened, but we can pray for our officers to find them soon, to report that they have found them.

How guilty i felt when, on the day this tragedy occurred, i was helping out at a Dinner event for BSN in Sama-Sama Hotel, which where the 1st press conference held. It is also where family members of the victims are suppose to gather. One man, pushing an elderly woman who seems to be hiding her tears, asked us where's the location of the gathering. Not knowing where, i told them to ask the hotel staffs. They went away with heavy heart. It almost brought me down to tears. While the event was ongoing for the night, families and travelers cross our way in a hurry. I just watched them pass by silently.

Recently, I have this strange dream. Probably just a dream. I don't really believe in interpreted dreams, as it can be syirik. But in this dream, the plane is still flying, but doesn't have a destination. The passengers and crews are all asleep, including the pilot and his co-pilot. Sleeping and flying is the sky of orange, white and blue. No injuries or harm, just asleep.

#pray4mh370

Dear Allah,

Despite my crude behaviour in life, i am thankful for granting me many people in my life..

I am thankful for my mother, whom gave birth to me.. regardless the distance we have between us, we are never separated in heart. Never lose faith in me, always believe i can achieve many things (even the smallest things counts for her).

I am thankful for my father, always giving me a pathway towards the biggest picture in life. Always giving me the 2nd chance thought i don't deserve. And is always there to help. Sometimes, to teach a child to find, is to play 'Hide and Seek'. Nothing is given in the real world, except to expected to be taken back.

I am thankful for my fiancee, that 1st stranger to accept me as who i am. Always, and ALWAYS there whenever i'm down, whenever i'm at my lowest, most useless state. Knowing how stubborn, how anxious and how thoughtless i can be at most times. Notices the tasteless changes in me. You still stuck a ring on me.

I am thankful for my siblings, who are always my little rays of sunshine. My trouble makers. My migraine enhancements. My mud puddles. Always a grim, never a bore. Those lil baby talk we had, turns to meaningful chats. Everything you guys do, made me reminisce and smile. Never fail.

I am thankful for my best friends, my vitamins in life. Supports me to almost everything i do. Listens and listen good. Never sigh to my woes, never scream to my tantrums. Even after knowing that i'm not they type to contact all the time, never to forget me, as i never forget them, EVER! Always so important, so true.

So, Please dear Allah,

Hear my prayers, for you are the Most Loving and Most Caring, Most Forgiving.

Give love and protection to these love ones of my life. Give support and justice to their soul. Forgive their sins and banish their fears. Purify their heart from evil and stray them from hell fire, for they are precious to me on earth. Amin...

Fluffy Cows

Yes, I want them as pets please. Thank you.

Virgo boy is 25

6/9/1988

Happy birthday to my one and only loverboy. Happy celebrating your 25th year living on this planet, in this universe.

i make du'a for you to live healthily for many many many many many years to come. 

And may all your wishes came true.. With effort... LoL 

P.s: im not good with wishes... But, know that i will always love you.. ❤