Of late, my house is almost never as clean and tidy as it used to. Understood, with 2 kids, that seems like an impossible task (toys EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME).
But the matter got worst when I myself am very tired and burnt out all the time. This MCO really got the heck out of me. I cannot escape the house, kids, husband, work, and of course, clutter.
I should be grateful that during this trying pandemic, I'm blessed with a roof over my head, warm food on the table, and a loving family around me, but not being able to even have a short escape to be with myself, really taken a toll on my mental health.
Every day, even before the day starts, I've already felt dreaded and tired. I wake up right before my time for work, even when the kids woke up hours before. It's a good thing, I managed their room so they have their own safe space to play, but they'd eventually come to me for breakfast. Hubby recently took up the role, and help the kids with what they need in the morning, milk, food, iPad, diaper change, and tried his best not the bother me. He even went out for a breakfast run and came back home with nasi lemak occasionally. Thank you, love.
But men being men, there's a lot of things that they don't understand about household duties, and of course, I have to do my part of keeping the house in check. Even though we're both working, he's still the breadwinner, and being the low-income person in the house, I took priority of taking care of the rest other than my work. I mean, the kids are still so young. One of us needs to step up for them. Maternal instinct I supposed.
Even so, I find myself neglecting everything and everyone, what we didn't need before, we need now, like a monthly house cleaner. I keep delaying chores, leaving both dirty and clean laundry, and only does them when they have piled up. I'm talking 2 weeks' worth! I also started to leave floor spots where if it is difficult to vacuum or wipe, I'd just leave it, especially under the bed and stove. Imagine the dust. I sometimes would leave the garbage pile up until flies and maggots starts to infest. Of course, when that happens, I would go and throw out the garbage before it affects our other foods. Every night after dinner, I would clean the house before we settle down, meaning clean kitchen, empty sink, cleared dining table, and uncluttered living room, but now, I wouldn't even bother to do it all and just sleep.
I did try to play games to relax. I play Genshin Impact almost every night, but lately, I just wanna scroll TikTok and I don't even watch them. Just empty gaze.
Also, I love my job. Been out of the work industry for 3 years, of course, I'm happy with my job. I was so happy when I have a 2nd life at the office, other than being a mom/wife. Adults having expectations and rely on me for work, it's nice. Even when the MCO started last year, I was still ok, vibing being a Work From Home Mom, having a laugh. But now, I don't feel it anymore. Managing the family and catching deadlines really drained my time and creative juice. I don't even have the mood to do my hobbies. Just day in day out routine over and over again, every day. Even the weekends feel empty. I've run out of initiatives. I'm just tired of everything.
I know what I should do if this happens, but because of this stupid pandemic, I can't. The simplest thing I could do was to spend the whole day out by myself, leaving kids with hubby at home. Not even meeting friends, just by myself. Watch a movie or hang at a cafe or when to a random event somewhere. The best is to go for a vacation, where even if the place is cluttered, I wouldn't even care.. not my house ma... a change of environment la, loosely speaking.
So, am I just lazy and making up excuses to not do stuff or any I actually burnt out?
