Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Friday, November 29, 2013

Vivian Maier slideshow in HD

I was watching Vivian Maier photos, looking up the pictures of people, old and young.
It got me to think.
'How will i be in the future?'

When thinking that, what I did in my past life as a child, how will i be in the future,
it sort of giving me the chills.

I just don't know how to say this actually, but the fact that,
this chilling sensation im feeling, it's telling me,
'If somebody were to found pictures of me, how would they portray me? Can they know how I was through the image of my eye? Will they be able to tell my past? My emotions of aging? Of life?'

Because, that's how I feel exactly for this people in the photos.
Vivian did a wonderful job portraying these people. As if, they are still around. She definitely stopped time.

I'm not sure if i convey this emotions in me correctly here, but I'm sure I did, atleast 30% of it here now.

Thursday, November 28, 2013


I used it when I was in High School but took it off when i was 17.
That was my highest rebellious point during my teen years. LoL

And now that I'm Taufik Hidayat's fiancee,
I'm practicing to make a change in myself,
starting with Hijab.

Pray for my weak heart and iman to be strong.
Help me maintain this way of Allah.
Slowly, I want to change for the better!

I might start small, and may be with my old ways again.
But, I will stay strong and independent!
Amin. :)

Selfie Me

I just like these pictures of me very much!
credits to Amad. :)

My Eday was PINK?

Yes... It's pink.
For people who know me from long before,
they might be surprised at this. Why?

Because I used to hate pink.

But, thinking that, i want my eday to be sweet looking and cheerful,
That's the color alright. Since I'm not a kid anymore, so I don't hate it (much).

naive, soft, sweet and subtle
everything that's not really me. LoL!
But, it's an Eday. So yeah, granted!

Turns out, the color came out just nice and i love it!
It gave me the feel that i wanted, just in the right amount!
Not so bad at making decisions huh?

And his side?
He said pink won't go well with blue.
pffttt~ really?

Turns out fine to me.

So, at a cliche end..
Pink Woman, Blue Man
nice.. :)

EDay Thanks

Thank to all who helped me manage the ceremony so smoothly and beautifully~
but mostly...

Thank you Ibu Sri
... for the catering.
... for the moral support.
... for traveling from Singapore to Damansara for me. (becoz when she goes back, she hv to work so much OTs)
... for accompanying me shopping for items. (Im just so bad in KL)

Thank you Ayah
... for helping with house cleaning and decorating the dais too.

Thank you Puteri Lily
... for being the most wonderful event manager ever! Decorating the dais and organizing almost everything.
... for letting me rely on you so much!

Thank you Aunty Sarimah and MAC
... for sponsoring the door gift and the cake. Such lovely gifts.

Thank you Aunty Irma
... for helping me with my shopping in KL. Driving us around here and there. (Its just so hectic there.. >.>)

Thank you Pak Ngah and family
... for being the pantun maker, the entertainer and mini organizer for the on going ceremony

Thank you Abg Faizal Rezza
... for sponsoring the photographer. Took beautiful images of the ceremony. I love it!

Thank you UmzarulNadia
... for making me beautiful that day, and at a half price too! You're a wonderful (and talkative) friend indeed. Everybody praised your work. I especially loved it too!

Thank you Paksu Fendi
... for the time u spent to brief us before the ceremony. Helped us a lot and clearly too!

Thank you Aunty Sa'adah and Uncle Ali
... for proposing and accepting me as your son's lover and future bride.

and especially you...

Thank you Taufik Hidayat
... for loving me.

Without everybody here, i can't imagine how the ceremony would turned out like. Im just so bad at event planning... So thank you, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Im Engaged to the Love of My Life

I woke up early morning in a hotel room. Been sleeping with my mom. I just feel at ease sleeping with her after so long... (what do you expect? Im a grown woman..) I got up and get ready to walk home (hotel was just a walking distance away). We bought breakfast and a few other things.

As reached home, i saw the mini dias, decorated beautifully in the middle of the hall.

'In a few hours, i'll be sitting there. Well, thats nerve wreaking...'

I help some of the house work (including yelling at my siblings. They were making a mess!)

Then, my aunty came... then my friends.. then my make up artist... then the photographer......
As there were more and more visitors were arrived, the more anxious i became. The time must be close! They must be nearby!!

The ceremony went smoothly (praise Allah) and i was so happy! They were exchanging pantuns and laughter. Smiles all around.

But... I, who was upstairs, waiting for my call to go down...

was twitching and very nervous... 


...until my aunty called me down. I insisted that my mom accompany me downstairs, so i grab her wrist! I tried smiling elegantly (act natural, dang it!) until THIS SOMEBODY, WHO WAS LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME, STARTED GIGGLING MISCHIEVOUSLY! (im talking about you Sal!)

so yeah, i was taken to be seated on the dias, and... urmm... smile??? (sweats)

Luckily, i heard a tiny voice calling me... 'kakput! kakput!'... It was Nana (Topet's sister). She was all smiles and started to wave at me. I was so relieved and delighted. All the tension for nothing. Its a family event. I knew almost everybody in the room, so this me isn't ME. I know they know that very well.

So, the ceremony went on, reciting some Du'a and stuff.. then...

the nerve started to wreak again.... its the 'Sarung Cincin'!!! (where, the future mother in law, wears it for the future bride as a proposal from the future groom)

We were both so awkward, we weren't even smiling right! Yes, WE! Me and Aunty Sa'adah!
As she ring the ring through my ring finger, all emotions waved in together. I was touched, shy, nervous, happy!

The ceremony ending with us all socializing and chatting and eating. It was a delightful day. Glorious!

We have yet to announce the Wedding Date... but soon ok?? 

So, when that happens, remember to SAVE THE DATE! 

p.s: don't worry... ayah won't hurt you... that bad... LoL
p.s.s: brace yourself though.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Happy 3rd Anniversary

How we confessed

I've always been that girl who can not stay in a relationship for more than 3 months. Even if the guy was my best friend for years. I'm that type to leave when i feel it won't work between us. It was never about another guy or girl. Never about fights or arguments. But there's this one particular guy that broke the record.

I started eyeing this guy from our early acquaintance times. He's creative, funny, cute and very helpful. He took notice of me when he realized that i was kind of helpless in designs. He was my classmate after all, and that's how it all began.

He was generous about his knowledge of design and i was very keen to know more. He invited me to a one-on-one Photoshop tutoring and he was strict on it. He taught me a lot! He made me practice and gave me extra assignments even though i have a lot more to do. I was going half mad and pissed, but i keep in mind that he actually took his personal time off to tutor me. He didn't even ask me to repay him in any sort of way. He was sincere.

Not long after, i knew he had a girlfriend. I thought, "Oh come on! Of course he has a girlfriend! He's bound to have one. A good looking one, too." So, I decided to back of a little bit and line my limits. Before i had any serious feelings for him.

But as time goes by, he naturally comes to me, claiming i'm his best friend. I was delighted with the title. Too delighted perhaps, that friends around me started to notice something. They reminded me that he has a girlfriend. I do realized, some times, i tend to forget that. That was when i started to feel more lonely and filled with jealousy and ego. I started questioning the typical jealous girl questions. "What does she have that i don't? What does he sees in her? Does time gap between me and him, and her and him, really makes that much differences?" Yes! I questioned those things. But really, i slapped myself into reality. Why on earth must i question these things? If she's is making him happy, i'm happy for them. I may sound like a hypocrite, but at least i don't ruin other people's relationship, despite my previous relationship history. 

This push pull, love hate relationship i had with myself was unbearable until i can't take it anymore by the time we were in our final semester. This was my most crucial time of my Diploma years. I had an argument with my mother and father. I was financially broke for final year assessments and survival. I was crying so bad almost every night. Sleepless nights from assignments. Throughout everything, CheQin (my bestie) and him helped me a lot! Like really A LOT! They were my savior, my life savior. They helped me escape this awful reality. If it wasn't for them, i would have quit, even though i was only days away from completing my studies. 

All of his effort of helping me, made me fall for him even harder, which is bad, considering he has a girl friend. He even told me that he cares and he is willing to do anything to help, even if i have no place to stay (in case i refuse to go back to KL), he was willing to take me back to Penang with him and let me stay with his friend. How on earth could i NOT fall for him at this rate? I strictly told myself No! I need to get myself straight. I can't do this. So, i decided to leave him for good after we finish our studies. I decided not to continue my studies in the same course and to cut any connection with him after. My wish for him to be happy with his girlfriend was sincere. Honestly.

Since i decided to leave him, i'v gotten much friendlier to him (not flirting, i think?), just my little goodbye gesture for him. I made him happy as a friend. Laughs with him, work with him, studied together. It was sad for me, so i went all out! Made him a special friend, made him happy, for my own benefit. Few days later, he told me, he broke up his girl friend. I protested. I wasn't sure why and i don't want to ask, but i thought, why put him into pressure when he's very near to our most important presentation ever? It wasn't fair, thus, i wasn't in place to question other's personal problems.

Days went by and we finished our final project presentation, so we celebrated with our friends. We went for an all-nighter outdoors. We planned that each one of us to buy a gift, and give it to whoever gets it in a game. We split up in a mall, and he caught up with me. We were looking and chatting and all. Boy, was my heart beating as hell! I just can't keep it to myself anymore. I was at my limit. In my head, all the words and planning jumbles up, i just don't know how to say it. He eventually noticed my awkwardness. How my heart beating like it wants to burst. My head was malfunctioning. I wasn't sure what was wrong. Seriously, this has NEVER happened to me. NEVER! I have never liked a guy so much, i feel like dying. I was in a serious dilemma. If i said it, what will he think of me? Will he hate me? Will he think that i just want to hook up with him because he just broke up? What will my other friends say? A man snatcher? I love my friends so much, i don't want them to think i'm bad. But if i don't tell him, doesn't it mean i'm hurting myself? Besides, i'm going to leave him anyway, whether he likes it or not. I'm going all out! I'v only got 2 days left before i go back to KL. Now or never!

I pinched the back of his shirt, which put us on halt, in the middle of the mall. He wanted to turn around but i told him not to. I was sweating and nervous. My mind went blank and the only words that came out was, "aku suka kt kau (i like you)". The funny thing is, despite that it took all my guts and effort to say those words, he didn't hear it clearly and asked me to repeat. Can't blame him though. We were in a mall. It was noisy and loud. I chose my words again and repeated. This time, he heard me, and wanted to turn around. I begged him not to, but he insisted. He pulled me by the side. I just hid my face behind my hair, refused to look at him. My face was hot! I was blushing so bad, i can't look at him, but he insisted. He said he wanted to see my face. Straight to my no make up, messy hair and pale black lips, he said, "aku pun suka kt kau sebenarnya (i actually like you too)". 

I stopped breathing a bit. I couldn't believe what i'v heard. I was overjoyed and deliriously happy. I started grinning to myself, and he reached for my hand. We were walking hand in hand! It was the greatest feeling ever. But what if our friends sees us? What would they say? I was nervous and wanted to let go. I looked at him and he was looking back. We let go together. We knew it was too early and was a bad idea to let them know like this.

Our friends soon knew in our guessing game at the end. Some of them was pleased and some protested. But overall, we had their blessings, which means a lot to me. 

We had a few rough bumps on and off, here and there after that. But i will never forget how we confessed. Sure it wasn't by the beach or under the stars, but i treasure those times most. Throughout our hardships and togetherness, I'm blessed to have you in my life, Mohamad Taufik Hidayat. Happy 3rd Anniversary.

With Love
Puteri Nurul

p.s: all of this are true. I'm neither an angel, nor a devil. i'm only human. I admit i was bad and too rushed. But Alhamdulillah, we're happy now. The most important moment is NOW.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Tic Toc Ticking

Only 13 days away from the Eday...

so much preparations to do still...