Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Friday, March 31, 2017

Life as a (Pregnant) Wife

Cayang, help me carry these to the back.


Me waiting for him.

Him, on the bed or rocking chair, on his phone.


Literally, 10 mins later.


Oh, lupa!

Kalau sekali dua, xpe lagi tau... 

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Nightly Tears

Being pregnant made me emotional at times.

One night, I got scared of labor and maternal death. I talked about it to my husband. He told me, I'm going to be fine. I want to believe him, but the thought of dying during childbirth scares me.

I made him promise to take care of our baby, and my cats. He tapped my face, telling me to stop saying such sad thoughts.

He hugged me long and tight. Giving me kisses and whispered that he is worried too, but he promised that everything is going to be alright.

I cried so hard that night. So many sad thought flooding my brain that night. My husband just held me close silently. He eventually started snoring.

I thought it's funny. So I stopped crying.

You know, it's kind of useless being scared of the future that we cannot determine. We can only prepare for the many possibilities. True, it's saddening and horrifying, but then, why worry about something we aren't sure of?

one of my life motto:

Can you fix it? YES. Then fix it.
Can you fix it? NO. Then why worry?

i asked again

I can be a lil narcissistic, but what gives kan? And towards my hubby pun.. xsalah.. lol!

So, referring back to that little chat I had with hubby, me asking him when/ at what age, was I most beautiful. He said, during that time, when he saw me at the Gempakstarz event.

I showed him pictures of me during that time, asking him if he was sure.

Seems like he misunderstood the question. He said that was the FIRST time he was attracted to me, not my most beautiful time. duh..

He then corrected his answer:

My most beautiful moment to him was during our Wedding Reception...

Fluttery hearts. ;p

Ok, Cayang. I love you.

Put, you narcissistic b**th

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

So Much Work

My brother in law (AKA my boss) and I talking about future projects and works need to be done...

Sorry Put, you're gonna be very busy until next month.


AWIN (his wife)
Put already applied for maternity leave by the end of next month.


(looks at me in disbelief)

Yeah I did.

But you can't..

Want me to give birth at the office then?

But you can work from home, right?

You serious???

Sorry brahh.. Need time to prepare for the BIG PUSH!

*I partially feel bad, though. But nature calls.*

Monday, March 20, 2017

Countdown Survey (PART 2)

Gatal rereading my old posts. Decided to rewrite this one again for fun.

Old post:


How did you get one of your scars?
I was making Lasagna when I accidentally touched the hot oven and burned my hand.
Just a lil.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
Gotten a surprise bouquet of roses from hubster :)

How are you feeling at this moment?
Cold, sleepy, sluggish, lazy.

How did your night go last night?
On the bed, playing "Guess the Song", 90's music version, using Spotify, with hubby.

How did you do in high school?
Ok, i guess. It has been 12 years...

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
Bought it at a bundle shop. Bandoru Shoppu~

How often do you see ur best friend?
Every day, every night. :)

How much money did you spend last month?
Not sure if I spent too much or too little, considering paying bills and stuff.

How old do you want to be when you get married?
Married at 27, just as planned. ;p

How old will you be on your next birthday?


Your mother's name?
Sri Asmarani

What did you do last weekend?
Slept in, made brunch and went out shopping a little

What is the most important part of your life?
My family.

What would you rather be doing?
Pursuing my dreams to become a cartoonist.

What did you last cry over?
A nightmare.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
Hugs from hubby and food.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
Loyalty, love, and comfort.

What are you worried about?
Being a new mom soon.

What did you have for breakfast?
Bananas. Like the real ones.


Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Yeah.... And I married him. #regretsnothing

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yup. And I married the heartbreaker. LOL

Have you ever been out of the country?
Yup. But need to get out more.

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Yeah. But I seriously can't recall which was the worst.

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
I don't think so. No one that I can remember?

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Hahaha! No.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Yeah, I guess? But, nothing serious?

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?


Who was the last person you saw?
My officemates and they're still here.

Who was the last person you texted?
My sister in our family WhatsApp group.

Who was the last person you hung out with?
Awan Kekanda, business matters.

Who was the last person to call you?
Awan Kekanda, business matters, again.

Who did you last hug?

Who is the last person who texted you?
The same sister whom I texted last.

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?
Taufik Hidayat.


Where does your best friend live?
With me. :)

Where did you last go?

Where did you last hang out?
Leko, The Curve.

Where do you go to school?
SMKBU, UiTM Perak, and UiTM Puncak Perdana.

Where is your favorite place to be?
At home, with hubby and my furboys.

Where did you sleep last night?
At home.


Do you like someone right now?
I do. :)

Do you think anyone likes you?
He better!

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Do you know the muffin man?

Does the future scare you?
It does.


Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
Because we're a match. :)

Why did you get a myspace?
I guess, my mom made me do it?

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
They didn't.

Why are you doing this survey?
Because I'm freaking PROCRASTINATING!


If you could have one super power what would it be?

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
Logically, a knife.


Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
I married my ex. #sorrynotsorry

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Yes. Yes, I would.


Are you happy with your life right now?
Yes, I am. :)


Cayang, we're definitely aging. I'm fat now.


For you ah, after all these years we've known each other,
when or at what age I was most beautiful to you?

Hubby thinking...

It's that time when we met at Sungei Wang, during the Gempakstarz event.

That time we accidentally met? You with Proff and Eno?

Yup. That time.

We were 19. That was the 1st time we met outside the campus.

Yup. That was your peak age and time.

I was 48kg!

Haha! Don't lie laaa...

Hubby was severely attacked by a vicious mad woman then.


Me during that event. I'm surprised tho... >.>
I wasn't even using decent makeup. I don't think I even had makeup on.

I've even made a comic of that fateful incident.
Guess I really made a good "FIRST" impression.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Need to Clean

There were few occasions where my husband and I would invite friends and family over to stay or hang out. We like having company around, once in a while.

Also on these occasions, I would try my very best to either book a cleaner a day before or clean the house myself. My husband would always bother me, telling me I don't have to go to that extent, as they are the people we're close with.

I realized I've developed this habit of wanting the house clean and spotless before having guests, and why wouldn't I? No matter how close we are to them, always keep the house clean for guests, because having the house messy and dirty, would leave a bad taste in my mouth, and don't even wanna know how the guests would react.

I just don't want them to go to my toilet, with it being moldy and slippery.. or smelly, like them public toilet. No! I want them to come and go comfortably and at ease.

Not to mention my reputation as a woman! I hate dirty houses. I am honestly not the CLEANEST, as my mom (who's a clean freak), but I try my best to keep my very own house clean and comfy.

This doesn't only apply when we're having guests around, it is also, for our own sake, I try to clean and organize everything, so life would be easier and nice.

This is exactly why I like small houses with minimal furniture and items. I'm trying so hard not to be a hoarder. I don't even like things being on the floor, like boxes or beanbags. It's difficult to vacuum or mop.

My husband doesn't help around much, and I kinda preferred he rather not. He's the type to do one thing and ignore the rest, like washing up all the dishes, leaving the fork and spoon behind, or cook but doesn't clean.. or throw away the garbage but doesn't replace the plastic bag. buat kerja setengah jalan, kata orang. urgh...

This is why I'm sort of tired all the time. Come home from work, to clean and cook, and clean again. It's almost never ending. It's extra tiring when you're almost 8 months pregnant. Sometimes, I don't even bother cooking or even cleaning. I would call the cleaner more frequently. Hubby would have to buy take away dinner for us. But, you can't blame me! I've been doing everything from before, so he has no say! LoL!

But for whatever reason, hubby never argue or whine when I asked for help, just setengah jalan je skit. Kena ketuk satu-satu, baru buat. tapi xpe, dia buat jugak. ILOVEYOU.

Ayah's advice

My dad gave me this advice after he found out I had a boyfriend in high school (I was 16).

He wasn't mad that I had one, just disapprove of it.

He said,

"I'm not saying you shouldn't experience these things, but, the higher education you go, the more people you'll meet, more great men you can choose from. Don't waste your time with things like relationships at a young age."

I have to say, I agree and disagree though.

But, what I agreed on was, if I am focus on what I'm passionate about, I'll find someone within the same range as I am.

It's not about, who's stupid or who's better, it's about, who's worth it..

Frankly, I'm not the smartest one in a bunch, but, I had time and space to see other things than relationships. And within that time, my husband and I found each other while pursuing our passion. That's how I like it. It's not blindly love and lust, it's passion and interest as well.

Thank you for that piece of mind, Ayah.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Tummy Table

Was surfing the net on the bed,
when I got uncomfortable and lay on my back.

Put laptop on my tummy,
and was amazed at the height it gave me.

"Cayang, look! My new table top!"
I exclaimed towards my husband.

"Jangan la buat macam tu. Baby panas la nanti..."
he scolded.

He's already overprotecting his child before he is born.

Ok fine.

Buat lawak sedih

Pergi Cameron Highland,
Nak cuti-cuti over the weekend.

Ambil apartment, ambil master bedroom.
Seronok ada bathtub.

Simpan niat nak mandi bathtub,

(Cameron Highlands had issues with JPA, water supply didn't come through.)

oh well, maybe next time, ok?

*merajuk inside

sad doctor's visit

So, I had my 3rd cramping during this pregnancy, and I skipped work today. I went to the clinic to claim my MC, also, to cry over some preggy problems, like back pains and vaginal issues (just gonna be straight here).

1st, I talked about the crampings, which doc said, it's normal and isn't too serious unless I have them constantly, like, more than 10 times within 12 hours. That's probably the contractions. For now, maybe it's just the baby weight and irregular exercises.

2nd, about my vaginal problem, which I thought maybe a fungal infection or something. But since no bleeding, discharges or any liquid substances coming out, which I know I don't have any, it's maybe just sweating, as preggers gets hot and sweats continuously (you bet, I do!! so uncomfy!) It's just body odor, which I'm really disgusted with. So, I bought a new herbal vaginal wash, and pray to Allah, it'll work.

3rd, about my back pain. I know, preggers has to go through this at some time, but it's really uncomfortable. I just wanted some solutions to relieve it. But, the doctor just shook her head, smiling pitifully over me. "Bear with it, just a little while longer. You only have 2 more months to go. No pill or ointment is gonna work on it, for now. Sabar ye." I was so sad to her respond. She warned me, no pills, no meds, no ointment, and especially, no massages. Just bear with it and rest when needed. 

At the end of the session, I asked for an MC, which she gladly gave it to me. She said I need rest. But she was also surprised, she thought I was a housewife all this time because I declined any MC's she wanted to give me before this. LoL. Me, housewife? I wish, doctor. Hahaha!

At the end, I came back home, had a good rest with my furboys. All is well, though, back pain is still here. ;'(

Just 6 to 8 weeks left! Can't wait to finally meet you, baby! <3 div="">

Monday, March 13, 2017

Praying for a better life

Let's face it.

I'm not really the most pious, obedient, or even a slightest good Muslim out there. I don't pray much, or even at all before. I only pray when I'm forced to, or simply just "pretend" to pray, by staying in the room, waiting on my phone, for the right amount of time that I'll be "finishing" praying.

YES. I'm that f*cked up. I deserve hell. I know.

But ever since, I got to my third trimester of pregnancy, I got this sudden urge to pray as often as I could. I'm scared to miss any. And even when I do, I would think of the consequences that could befall me, or worst, my baby.

To me before, when it comes to religion, I only took what would give advantages to me (which is very bad and selfish) like, Muslim women's right. I don't even read the Qur'an, let alone khatam, (no, I have yet to khatam, even once in my life). I can't even read it that well. I refuse to learn, as I'm occupied with worldly things like work and sleep.

No, I'm not boosting on how repented I am, nor am I expressing how lowly (or humble) I am compared to others.

I just realized that I'm reaching towards 30, am married and about to have a child of my own, and still how an ignorant human being I am towards Allah.

Just this morning, I was thinking about skipping my Subuh (because I was tired from our trip home from Cameron Highland), and all I could think about was, how sinful I am to even have the intention of skipping it. What if I die before I wake up for work? What if this one time I skip could cause me to give birth to a stillborn? Yes, I know, Allah is forgiving and understanding, but what if it's the limit of His forgiveness from all the sins I made from my youth?

Right now, I'm trying my best to pray as much as I can (5 times a day, in syaa Allah). Trying to be a better Muslim, and that's a good start for me. I'm also trying my best to dress better and to have a clear clean mind and heart.

Others might say, "dah tua gini baru nak taubat." but, I got to start somewhere.

Puteri Nurul here,
trying to be a better Muslim,
a better woman,
a better human being,

for the sake of herself, her child and her husband.

I'm sorry, Ayah, for all the sin I did, that you had to bear. And I pray hard that Allah accepts my repent, so you don't have to suffer because of me, in the Afterlife. In syaa Allah.


Friday, March 10, 2017

Gross Things I Secretly Enjoy (from Buzzfeed)


1. Peeling off a big piece of nail varnish in one go.

2. Scraping a really good chunk of dirt out from under your nail.

3. Crumbling off your mascara instead of using makeup remover.

4. Not flossing as a treat.

5. Wearing the same bra for several days (weeks?) and not giving a shit. 

6. Smelling the clothes you wore yesterday and realising you can definitely wear them again.

7. Using dry shampoo instead of actual shampoo. For several days in a row.

8. Just washing your fringe, and everyone thinking you’ve got lovely clean hair.

9. Picking crumbs out of your bra… and if you’re feeling really gross, eating them. 

10. Finding something even better than crumbs in your bra, like popcorn. Yum. 

11. Chilling out in front of the TV with your hands down your pants. (it's warm down there)

12. Running your fingers through your pubes in a non-sexual way.

13. Eating something that fell on the floor – three second rule. Or is it five seconds?

14. Keeping a tampon in for slightly longer than you’re meant to. 

15. Wrapping toilet paper round your pants instead of using a pad.

16. Picking dry skin of your lips.

17. Picking dry skin of your feet.

18. Weeing in the shower. 

19. Weeing in the bath.

20. Cleaning your body with wet wipes instead of having a shower, meaning you can wake up later.

21. Eating food in bed.

22. Smelling your own farts.

23. Picking out your eye goop and marvelling at the size of it.

24. Getting a big bit of ear wax out of your ear.

25. Not bothering to wash your sports bra because it’s only going to get dirty again anyway.

26. Plucking out a really tough hair on your face, and putting it on your mirror like a hunting trophy.

27. Squeezing a whitehead and watching a really long pus worm wiggle out. 

28. Squeezing a massive zit which hits the mirror.

29. Stroking a rogue chin hair.

30. Picking out an ingrown hair.

31. Staring in awe at all the gunk that comes out on a pore strip.

32. Waking up on Saturday, and going to the shops in your oldest, grubbiest clothes/pyjamas with no make-up and greasy hair. Also known as “Grossery” shopping*.

33. Putting fresh make-up over yesterday’s make-up which you didn’t bother to clean off.

34. Smelling your armpits and being impressed by the scent.

35. Whacking new deodorant over old deodorant instead of having a shower. 

36. Using perfume instead of having a shower. 

37. Dusting your flakey scalp and watching the flakes fall like snow. 

38. Scratching your scalp and getting lots of satisfying dead skin under your fingernails.

39. Warming your hands inside you bra by holding your boobs. 

40. Picking weird dusty grey stuff out of your belly button.

41. Pulling out a particularly long, wiry pube that catches your attention.

42. Looking into the toilet to admire the size of your poo.

43. Belching louder than any guy.

44. Feeling proud when you do a really noisy fart.

45. Wearing make-up that you bought about 10 years ago. 

46. Pulling hairs out of your bum crack in the shower. 

47. Spreading your stray hairs on the shower wall. 

48. Rolling stray hairs into little balls and throwing them in the vague direction of the bin, missing the bin and leaving it.

49. Cutting your nails, and not paying attention to wear they fly.

(23 out of 49. Not bad..)

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Friday, March 3, 2017

Bad Dream

I had a horrid dream, about hubby dying, leaving pregnant me...

It woke me up, terrified. I looked over my hubby snoring so soundly beside me. I pray to Allah, to let us live a long properous life together. I can't shake that bad feeling away. It felt so real and scary. I cried so hard, my nose got blocked, so I had to sit up to calm myself down. I know it's just a dream now, but the thought of something happen to my husband, terrifies me. I love this man so much, I can't even bear the thought of losing him.

Ya Allah, this must be because I took a nap during maghrib just now.

Ya Allah,
Ampunkan lah dosa-dosa kami,
Panjangkan lah umur kami,
Kuatkan lah iman kami,
Ringankan lah beban kami,
Tabahkan lah hati kami,
Bukakan lah jalan yang luas untuk ke Jannah buat kami,
Jauhkan lah azab neraka dari kami,
Hanya kepadaMu ku pohon,
Sesungguhnya Engkau maha Pengasih dan Pengampun.

Time to get back to sleep. Nightmares sure are tiring... 😑