why now la??

now Mika dah 8 bulan..

tetiba kan..

hati kuat je gendang2,

"best nya, bila next dapat baby girl? 

boleh pakai bows and dresses."

*snap to reality*

what the heck was that? 

another baby so soon for me?

trauma beranak pun tak habis lg.

tak yah cerita lah trauma topet tengok aku bersalin.

__________________________________________

maybe when Mika's a lil older lah.

Maybe 3 yo, or 13?

#familyplanning

#betterchildhood

#betterparenting

#bestlife

Dear 19 Year Old Me

Dear 19-Year-Old me,

You just entered your new semester in UiTM, Perak. Last semester, everything was new. New best friends, new environment, new weather (the sweltering heat OMG). New things to learn, painting techniques, history, and how tiring it was to climb the studio every morning. Nevertheless, this semester, history will be made, in your life.

The nervousness built up as you enter your new class, new classmates, all sharing the same interest, I think? Don't worry, everyone was ultimately friendly. You'll enjoy most of your time in this class in your lifetime.

It was around this time, too, that you'll meet the love of your life. You really do like this guy. Who is he? He's that guy you first met in BEL class. He was clumsily elected as class rep, and you're his assistant. You wanted to get to know him because you'll be working together. You turned around to greet him, and you asked,

"Topi ko ni, busuk tak?"

which, then he replied,

"Try bau la."

You naively, amusingly did, by the way, you silly girl. He was shocked and called you weird. You were the first girl to even have the nerve to smell his cap. It was stinky, FYI.

You and Topet became friends, or more like, acquaintances. Normal classmates. He was super talented, though. And not to mention the ultimate goofball in class. You like being friends with him. But you weren't attracted. You're still fretting over that last ex-BF of yours in Dungun. But nevermind, you'll get over him. So over, that Topet and he became good buddies.

Soon, you'll find out that he has a girlfriend. you'll feel a little frustrated, but, why though, you asked yourself. You should be happy, or even, not think about it at all. You got this super hunk of a guy that has a crush on you. Trust me, you don't want this guy. He asked you for a kiss, and when you refused, he called you a coward. So, nope!

During mid-sem, you became best of friends. It started with Eno, texting you, as a prank or something. Then, Topet started to join the conversation (using Eno's phone to continue texting you). You talk about everything together. You feel proud when he praised your comics. You became so close, that you hung out almost all the time. Yeah, you'll feel guilty toward his GF, but you insisted you did nothing wrong since you're just friends. Besides, Eno is there all the time (3rd party since 2009).

Towards the end of the semester, it's time to go home. Semester break for a whole 3 months. You'll feel heavy hearted, sad, and lonely. The whole class was the best thing that has ever happened to you. Especially, Topet. He sent you in front of your dorm, for the last time that semester (with Eno, of course). Ayah will pick you up in the morning.

"Jumpa sem depan lah. Papehal, mesej je."

He then, turned his back, and waved goodbye, feeling like one of his anime characters, dramatically. You felt a little tug in your chest. You felt like crying. You like this guy. But, you still haven't realized it. But you will, starting the next semester, and the next, and the next...

... until you both eventually got married. You'll be having his child, In Syaa Allah in May 2017. Celebrating your 2nd wedding anniversary, and your 10 years of friendship with the love of your life.

See, you really like this guy. I know, I do. <3 p="">

I love you, Taufik Hidayat. Thank you for everything you've done for me.

Happy 2nd Anniversary

Dear love,

My friend, my soul, my life, my husband, my family, my world.

You are my favourite person in this world,

together with our newborn son.

Thank you for everything you've done for me.

Provide me love, shelter, comfort, and hugs.

We've known each other for 10 years.

Who'd thought that all those years would lead us here?

iloveyou endlessly

#tilljannah

p.s: nk tulis panjang2, otak tgh weng, dalam pantang lg nih.. ahax. just know that I love you very much!

counting days

just 2 to 3 weeks left!

Can't wait to finally meet you, baby~ 

:)

my everything (literally) all kembang2 sudah..

Life as a (Pregnant) Wife

Me:

Cayang, help me carry these to the back.

Hubby:

Ok.

Me waiting for him.

Him, on the bed or rocking chair, on his phone.

***

Literally, 10 mins later.

Me:

Cayang!

Hubby:

Oh, lupa!

Kalau sekali dua, xpe lagi tau... 

i asked again

I can be a lil narcissistic, but what gives kan? And towards my hubby pun.. xsalah.. lol!

So, referring back to that little chat I had with hubby, me asking him when/ at what age, was I most beautiful. He said, during that time, when he saw me at the Gempakstarz event.

I showed him pictures of me during that time, asking him if he was sure.

Seems like he misunderstood the question. He said that was the FIRST time he was attracted to me, not my most beautiful time. duh..

He then corrected his answer:

My most beautiful moment to him was during our Wedding Reception...

Fluttery hearts. ;p

Ok, Cayang. I love you.

Put, you narcissistic b**th

:D

Aging

Me

Cayang, we're definitely aging. I'm fat now.

Hubby

Yeah.

Me

For you ah, after all these years we've known each other,

when or at what age I was most beautiful to you?

Hubby thinking...

Hubby

It's that time when we met at Sungei Wang, during the Gempakstarz event.

Me

That time we accidentally met? You with Proff and Eno?

Hubby

Yup. That time.

Me

We were 19. That was the 1st time we met outside the campus.

Hubby

Yup. That was your peak age and time.

Me

I was 48kg!

Hubby

Haha! Don't lie laaa...

Hubby was severely attacked by a vicious mad woman then.

********************************************************************

Me during that event. I'm surprised tho... >.>

I wasn't even using decent makeup. I don't think I even had makeup on.

I've even made a comic of that fateful incident.

Guess I really made a good "FIRST" impression.

HAHAHA!

Need to Clean

There were few occasions where my husband and I would invite friends and family over to stay or hang out. We like having company around, once in a while.

Also on these occasions, I would try my very best to either book a cleaner a day before or clean the house myself. My husband would always bother me, telling me I don't have to go to that extent, as they are the people we're close with.

I realized I've developed this habit of wanting the house clean and spotless before having guests, and why wouldn't I? No matter how close we are to them, always keep the house clean for guests, because having the house messy and dirty, would leave a bad taste in my mouth, and don't even wanna know how the guests would react.

I just don't want them to go to my toilet, with it being moldy and slippery.. or smelly, like them public toilet. No! I want them to come and go comfortably and at ease.

Not to mention my reputation as a woman! I hate dirty houses. I am honestly not the CLEANEST, as my mom (who's a clean freak), but I try my best to keep my very own house clean and comfy.

This doesn't only apply when we're having guests around, it is also, for our own sake, I try to clean and organize everything, so life would be easier and nice.

This is exactly why I like small houses with minimal furniture and items. I'm trying so hard not to be a hoarder. I don't even like things being on the floor, like boxes or beanbags. It's difficult to vacuum or mop.

My husband doesn't help around much, and I kinda preferred he rather not. He's the type to do one thing and ignore the rest, like washing up all the dishes, leaving the fork and spoon behind, or cook but doesn't clean.. or throw away the garbage but doesn't replace the plastic bag. buat kerja setengah jalan, kata orang. urgh...

This is why I'm sort of tired all the time. Come home from work, to clean and cook, and clean again. It's almost never ending. It's extra tiring when you're almost 8 months pregnant. Sometimes, I don't even bother cooking or even cleaning. I would call the cleaner more frequently. Hubby would have to buy take away dinner for us. But, you can't blame me! I've been doing everything from before, so he has no say! LoL!

But for whatever reason, hubby never argue or whine when I asked for help, just setengah jalan je skit. Kena ketuk satu-satu, baru buat. tapi xpe, dia buat jugak. ILOVEYOU.

Tummy Table

Was surfing the net on the bed,

when I got uncomfortable and lay on my back.

Put laptop on my tummy,

and was amazed at the height it gave me.

"Cayang, look! My new table top!"

I exclaimed towards my husband.

"Jangan la buat macam tu. Baby panas la nanti..."

he scolded.

He's already overprotecting his child before he is born.

Ok fine.

sad doctor's visit

So, I had my 3rd cramping during this pregnancy, and I skipped work today. I went to the clinic to claim my MC, also, to cry over some preggy problems, like back pains and vaginal issues (just gonna be straight here).

1st, I talked about the crampings, which doc said, it's normal and isn't too serious unless I have them constantly, like, more than 10 times within 12 hours. That's probably the contractions. For now, maybe it's just the baby weight and irregular exercises.

2nd, about my vaginal problem, which I thought maybe a fungal infection or something. But since no bleeding, discharges or any liquid substances coming out, which I know I don't have any, it's maybe just sweating, as preggers gets hot and sweats continuously (you bet, I do!! so uncomfy!) It's just body odor, which I'm really disgusted with. So, I bought a new herbal vaginal wash, and pray to Allah, it'll work.

3rd, about my back pain. I know, preggers has to go through this at some time, but it's really uncomfortable. I just wanted some solutions to relieve it. But, the doctor just shook her head, smiling pitifully over me. "Bear with it, just a little while longer. You only have 2 more months to go. No pill or ointment is gonna work on it, for now. Sabar ye." I was so sad to her respond. She warned me, no pills, no meds, no ointment, and especially, no massages. Just bear with it and rest when needed. 

At the end of the session, I asked for an MC, which she gladly gave it to me. She said I need rest. But she was also surprised, she thought I was a housewife all this time because I declined any MC's she wanted to give me before this. LoL. Me, housewife? I wish, doctor. Hahaha!

At the end, I came back home, had a good rest with my furboys. All is well, though, back pain is still here. ;'(

Just 6 to 8 weeks left! Can't wait to finally meet you, baby! <3 div="">

Bad Dream

I had a horrid dream, about hubby dying, leaving pregnant me...

It woke me up, terrified. I looked over my hubby snoring so soundly beside me. I pray to Allah, to let us live a long properous life together. I can't shake that bad feeling away. It felt so real and scary. I cried so hard, my nose got blocked, so I had to sit up to calm myself down. I know it's just a dream now, but the thought of something happen to my husband, terrifies me. I love this man so much, I can't even bear the thought of losing him.

Ya Allah, this must be because I took a nap during maghrib just now.

Ya Allah,
Ampunkan lah dosa-dosa kami,
Panjangkan lah umur kami,
Kuatkan lah iman kami,
Ringankan lah beban kami,
Tabahkan lah hati kami,
Bukakan lah jalan yang luas untuk ke Jannah buat kami,
Jauhkan lah azab neraka dari kami,
Hanya kepadaMu ku pohon,
Sesungguhnya Engkau maha Pengasih dan Pengampun.
Amin...

Time to get back to sleep. Nightmares sure are tiring... 😑

Braxton Hicks?

Oh man...

Although, I think I had one before a few days ago, but this one made me sick already. It's like having leg cramps, but below your abdominal area. It hurts every 30 to 40 mins...

Hubby thought we should go to the docs, but I thought I needed to do a lil research about it before spending RM50 consultation fee just to know, "IT'S NORMAL".

Apparently, I googled a forum and asked a friend, that it IS normal, and I'm to expect more coming soon. I needed to walk around or lay on my side to ease it, and drink alot of water. Unless it happens for too long or too frequent, with discharges, then, to the docs we go. I still got another 2 weeks before my next doc appointment. So, I'll wait till then.

I stayed home from work today, the exhaustion of bearing the pain made me sleep half day.

I also noted that to bear with this pain in the future, I need to exercise more, because it's only gonna get stronger. Oh boy. What a way to welcome 3rd trimester, right?

But Alhamdulillah, baby movement activity is frequent, so, I assume he's healthy and happy, and just can't wait to come out.

Ibu and Ayah can't wait for you too, sayang. :)

Let's Start a Family

I had a short chat with hubby the other night. Goes something like this...

Puteri

Cayang, can I ask you something

(i would always start our convo with this to make sure he's paying attention)

Hubby

yeah?

Puteri

Do you get jealous sometimes, at friends who has complete (not divorced) parents?

Hubby

I do.

Puteri

really?

Hubby

yeah. do you?

Puteri

I do. I always wondered what would it be like to have dinner with my ayah and ibu sri, at home, home cooked meals...

******************************************

I wouldn't call my family (or his) broken. Just not compatible. Some are just so fortunate to feel belong in a family still attached to each other. We didn't get to experience that. I didn't get to experience that my whole life.

but not that I'm fretting over the past.

this got me to realized, we need to love and stick to each other, for the sake of our child(ren).
I wanna be a complete family, forever. I beg for this. I'll fight for this. In syaa Allah...

That slight bump

Just wanna record,

4th January 2017
11:28pm

Your dad felt your kicks for the first time. :)
His reaction? "Damn...."

I love you both very much. <3 p="">

Baby Oh~

Yeah yeah.

Been 3 months preggy now...
Just making sure the baby's alright before I announce anything.

So yay us... :)

I found out when we went to Penang for a week holiday with my in-laws when I felt different, moody and uncomfortable. I didn't suspect anything at 1st, but my boobs just started to swell up (as per usual happens whenever I'm getting my period.) Odd thing is, my period was almost a month late, but I just ignore it because my period is sometimes irregular at random months.

ALSO, I get sleepy and tired easily. I slept long hours and often, I felt embarrassed with my in-laws.

Back from Penang, I thought that I should at least try to do the pregnancy test (though I was a bit skeptical since I tried twice before and came out negative.) So, I woke up in the morning and did the test. Being dilly dally, my jaw dropped as the test came out POSITIVE! OMG!!

I showed it to hubster, and he was somewhat excited (yet a little skeptical, but don't blame him, I wasn't so sure as well.). A few days later, we found time to visit the doctor and did a thorough scan. It was the oddest and magical thing. I saw the little peanut. I was POSITIVELY PREGNANT!

(Our 1st scan. 5 weeks)

(my dad stole this picture) (not his fault though)

I did a surprise to my dad and the rest of my siblings on my dad's birthday party. Everybody was overreacting (my sisters cried so bad). They were thrilled with the news.

I also told a few of my good friends the news, especially the mommies. They sent a lot of mommy tips and tricks. Thank goodness for them.

(8 weeks and saw his heart beating)

(Ibu and Ayah are here for you, baby)

Got to admit, it's weird calling ourselves Ibu and Ayah. We still haven't finish adulting yet!!

(I know we're freaking 28, shut up)

(And is where I almost cried)

(12 weeks and going strong)

During the 12 week scan, hubster can't find a parking spot, so I went to the clinic myself. I felt sad for my husband, he missed seeing his baby looking almost human like already. It developed those tiny fingers and toes. It was kicking and floating, all in my womb. It was magical and weird and awesome and scary (but a good type of scary).

Alhamdulillah, I'm glad we got pregnant. Pray for a joyful and blissful pregnancy and may we produce a beautiful offspring. 

p.s: can't wait for the gender!

Coconut Oil

Puteri

Cayang, help me apply coconut oil on my belly.

Hubby

Tak nak.. tak suka bau dia..

Puteri

But I don't want stretch marks on it!

Hubby applies oil on belly unwillingly.

Hubby

Besarnya...

Ni bukan habis 1st trimester ni.. Ni dah 6 semester ni..

* * *

Thanks for the unwanted remarks, Cayang. >.>

p.s: yes, I'm pregnant. :)

Things happened

A lot of things happened and I don't feel the need to document my life stories anymore. At least, not at the moment. I simmered down abit. To tell you the truth, it got a little boring right now.

and no...

I'm not talking about my marriage.. duh... That has been super! and private.. hehehe..

I'm talking about my daily life now, with work, chores, family and friends. Things has been a routine to me lately. Been eager for the weekend from week to week, and friends, let's just say, we, they, us, had our own lives now. Some of us catch up on each other, but seldom. Even we, my husband and I, sometimes, don't feel like going out anymore.

I'm abit bored with life now. I even cried to my husband that I wanted to quit my job, cause it's stressing me out, but he needed my support still. I was being selfish. I'm not the type to stay in one job for a long period of time. This is the LONGEST job I've been into. 

I was thinking of going into business. Been taking advices from my friends, and am very excited for it, but, with my job now, I can't find the right time and mind for it. This has been going on for months. But I have yet to give up. Pinterest been a great help to me, too. (wink wink)

Well, enough sad stories. My life isn't that pathetic.

My 3 boys are almost 2 years old now. Everyone who came visit us kept saying they're bigger that regular cats, and by bigger, they mean, FATTER! Hahaha!! Now I'm training them for routine diet, no more free flow kibbles anymore. My bad. But, they look so cute when they're laying around, flat on their backs, exposing their fleshy tummies. It warms my stressful days, everyday.

Also, last month was our FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. Was so excited for months! But, I was sent out by my job that very week. I missed it. :(      But I celebrated it still. Made exclusive dinner (was only meatball bolognese but fancy af) with sparkling juice, watch TV...... and stuff.. That was a nice evening.

Then,... OH!

My baby sister got engaged! Oh yes.. Iqin got engaged. So happy for her. She was pretty in peach, smiling, being nervous and stuff. Ah, I remembered my days.. so naive and sweet.

While she was going around being congratulated at, I, on the other hand, just got chopped, stir fried and served. All the gushes of questions. You know that question... Baby this, baby that... I had to explain over and over again, we're planning after a year of marriage, but since everybody knew it has already been a year, they kicked me out of the event (in the cutest way lahh), tell me to go home and do some 'homework'.. even told me techniques and bazingas. I don't really mind them, but come on la aunty.. not at a gathering... not at my sister's engagement party, of all events! GOLLY!

Been wanting to blog from time to time, but every time I sat down and open the laptop, I don't feel like typing anymore. Probably, all i could think of is my job,  now that it reminds me every time I on a computer. I appreciate my surroundings more, spending time with my hubby, cooking, snuggling time with my boys, extra sleepy time.

Yeah, it's gonna be awhile now... Gotta cook!!

p.s: Malas nk letak gambar.. just go to my insta...

Outstation

Haven't been home for 4 days.. Came home to a messy house. I knew my hubby did his best. Instead of pissing off, i cleaned the house happily.

Coz, at that moment, I realized...,

He can't live without me!! Hahahahah!!!