Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Dentist

I'm ok with doctors or dentists... medical checkups.. I'm good...
But what I'm terrified of is.. the SYRINGE!! I hate needles to the max! terrified of it, actually. They poke through your skin and shoot in liQuid that makes your skin feels like bursting.

Today, I had a GRUESOME visit to the dentist due to my horrible tooth decay. Not that I don't brush my teeth well. It's just that, I let the decay be for almost 6 to 7 years to rot in my mouth. So it got worse, eventually, obviously lah.

The dentist was a nice lady, checking my tooth and explaining how severe it was. Basically, it has already deepen till it reached my roots. No wonder it felt deadly. So then, the only way to cure this is to do the Root Canal Procedure, which is a bit costly, but heck, for the sake of my daily meal pleasures, I agree. 

I was calm and composed, until the dentist held the SYRINGE! OH GOSH, how I wanted to cry! For heaven sake, she was poking it in my mouth! 2 BOTTLES OF THE ANESTHETICS! The 1st bottle wasn't enough to numb my root, but the 2nd one really takes the cake! My lips felt 2 strikes of this hurtful bursting sensation, and I was numb up to my ear! Half of my mouth was malfunctioning, i couldn't even rinse my mouth without spilling. LOL!

So, she did the drilling and pasting and all, and it was all good. I have another 2 visits to finish up the whole process.

After that, I brought my fiancee for lunch (as promised), and since the anesthetic is still working, I sure had a hard time slurping my noodles. Sigh. I even can't feel when I'm chewing (literally chewing) my lips. I had my fiancee slapping and pinching my numb cheeks and can't feel a thing, for almost 3 to 4 hours. It was hilarious.

p.s: I'm still traumatized with the syringe... :(
p.s.s: Just thinking I have another appointment makes me Quiver...

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Remember me?

Today moves as usual...
I came out from the bank and my dad was going to drove away, until an old lady came waving at us.. i though she was one of my dad's old acQuaintances, so i just smiled. Then she looked at me and said,

"you're Nurul right??"

I was so shocked! I couldn't recognize her at all?

"this is your eldest daughter right? Nurul? Remember me? Cik Eda? I used to be your bus driver when you were still in primary? I helped you carry your bag around." (probably because i was so skinny back then)

As far as i can remember, i did my 1st and 2nd primary grade in TTDI... So, maybe she did. Her eyes were so honestly teary and happy, so i reached out to Salam her. She grabbed my hands, and my face, kissed both my cheeks so caring-ly as if i was her long lost granddaughter. It was so sincere. But sadly..

"i'm sorry. i don't remember. I was too young."

She just laugh away, telling me not to forget her next time. It was short but sweet. A short reunion between us, even though i don't remember her. I felt so bad... :( But to think that someone like me still is remembered by her for almost 19 years, i am truly touched. Thank you.

Too bad, my dad was in a hurry, so i didn't get to get her contacts, or i would love to have tea with her. But surely, we will meet again soon, In syaa Allah.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Life Hiccups

in life, there will always be hiccups, where you have to stop doing what ever in order to control your own freak nature show. at least, that was what i did when i have hiccups. the real hiccups.

but life hiccup is different. because of you yourself, you decided to stop for no reason. probably the only reason is laziness or lack of confidence. but by the time you realised it, you're already covered with doubt, misery and guilt.

for me, i'm having a major one. for months, i am unemployed and i still have the will to build a family. i have now nothing on me. i'm feeling useless, stupid and can't seem to do anything right. i'm depressed. even when i try to bring myself back on my feet, there will always that doubt on my back bringing me back down, laying motionless in my room of nothingness. 

i'm sucked in. with no more will power to achieve anything. i left my blind ears back for people to scream at. i continuously promises to wake up for my deep wide eyed slumber, yet i can't decide when will that happen. my lips can only say words you want to hear but isn't really from the soul.

whisper. whisper to me. put my feet up against yours and walk for me till i can walk again. i need it. i need that most. no one in this world is really my friend. no one but ALLAH. i must pray. seek forgiveness for the ill deeds i have done. seek refuge from evil doers of the world, be it man or monster.

i seek shelter from you, ya ALLAH. make this sinner clean again, for you are the only one most forgiveful and loving. AMIN.

i am having a life hiccup. a major one, and i think i know why...