Togetherness

People say, even when you're with somebody for years, it's a different story once you get married. It won't be as beautiful, romantic anymore.

I'd just brush those words off my shoulders. Topet and I are too close and lovey-dovey to be dull.

Boy, how wrong I was.. but, it's not as bad as I thought.

Yeah, I admit, we got dull and grey. Everything is a routine, and everything is made to be untold (meaning, things done without much communication). It got boring and the marriage got so stale, so we decided to have a child, hence, MIKA...

Once Mika came in, the 1st few months was the most beautiful moment. This is going to spark our family up again. But things got wilder than before. We are both new and still wet behind the ears when it comes to parenting, so there's sooooooo much to argue about. We both just won't back down.

Even now, I realized, I got more aggressive and angry whenever I talk to my husband, especially when he won't even pay attention, but I too, notice my own flaws. I get more disagreeable and unpleasant, not to mention emotional and negative. I'm not sure why.

But, one thing for sure, no matter how I think I'd get aggressive, I keep in mind, not to keep unwanted feelings under, or I'm bound to explode (undesirable) or fall into depression (very scared of). I share things with my husband, either he agrees or not, he has to bear this with me, it's why got married in the 1st place; to share.

My husband, on the other hand, can be sooooo... urghh... (but I love him so much, it frustrates me). He pays so little attention when talking, and really don't know how to sugarcoat words (not that I ask a lot of). At least, to listen to my opinions, rather than forcing me to scream it out to you. This is exactly why I like to decide things myself because he can be so unattentive and wishy-washy... I wish to just snap his PS4 in half so he can stop playing GTAv ALL THE TIME.

Cayang, I really miss our small pillow talks, about simpler things like aliens and the cosmos. Luckily, I still get snuggles when I demand it... I really wish you'd pay more attention to me than looking for money all the time... sigh~

Love HATE

Something about me...

My whole life, I have this odd love-hate relationship with Virgos. Just knowing people born under that zodiac sign gives me the icks...

As a Libra, we tend to TRY to be fair and just towards everybody. We're calm and collective, we're so-called romantic and spontaneous. 

Whereas Virgos, despite being just next to Libra, they're the opposite of us. They're ambitious and independent, very very logical, and especially wants everything their way, because to them, it's the best option.

My sister, my ex-bibik, and my husband.

They irritate me a lot more than they should, pushing me to my limit! But I can't help myself loving them, as much as they bug the hell out of me.

No, I'm not saying that I'm in a toxic relationship, I, of all people, should know what's a toxic relationship looks like (FEMINISM!). It's just that, there were times when I feel like choking them for killing my vibe all the time. They so tedious and tactical, they do things TOO strategically, things that they think is convenient for them, but definitely not me!

I, on the other hand, being a Libra, loves going spontaneously and romantically, like planning birthday pranks or going on a romantic dinner.. but no, they hate em, waste of money and energy. urghh!!!

Nonetheless, I love them Virgos very much. Just, sometimes, I feel like murdering them with bags of peanut butter!! (That doesn't make much sense, does it? But whatever)

In my heart

Almost every day, when I look at my son, smiling and laughing, I thought, how lucky my son is, to have a family, people who care for him all around, to receive unconditional love. And I unconsciously compared him to babies who are tortured, abused, assaulted sexually and mentally, at a very young age before 1 year old.

I found myself teary and filled with guilt and anger, upon comparing my son to those unfortunate babies. I also question, will they ever heal if they survive such torture? will they be permanently affected by whatever scars they got?

To look at my son's smiling face, prying for attention, I imagine, what if my son were born from somebody else, with such abusive background? Where he'll get spanks instead of cuddles for crying? Where he'll be silenced instead of being fed for being hungry? Where he'll be ignored instead of played with, when learning to sit, stand or crawl?

I hug my son, praying and thanking Allah, for blessing us with him in our family. And pray that all the babies, toddlers, children and teenagers to be equally blessed with love from their family. Child abuse needs to end.

Mummy instinct gets stronger every day.

confinement and judgements

#2:

Hai awak.. lama tak jumpa lepas ada baby kan? best tak?

#1:

Best la.. tp tu la, kena la berjaga malam skit, dah 3 bulan tidur tak betul.

#2:

eh, awk nampak gemuk la..

muka pun dah kusam, mcm orang tua. msti pantang tak betul kan?

tu la, nk moden sgt, pantang orang tua xmau ikut. Kan dah jadi mcm ni..

#1:

*this mofo 'bout ta go douwnnn...*

BITCH, i'm already fat before i'm pregnant, you stupid airhead.

muka kusam? aku baru ada anak kot, bru je btau 3 bulan tido xbetul.

ko paham ke tak? ko ingat beranak tu mcm main bola ke? penat sehari je?

pale hotak letak kt lutut. mulut letak kt pantat. jaga skit la adab berbual skit.

ko xyah nk ckp psl tok nenek sgt la.. tok nenek ko bukan tok nenek aku..

sebenarnya kan, I had enough of people scolding others about confinements. yeah, nasihat boleh.. tp nasihat la, bukan ugut, bukan berbiadap. no manners kan gitu? aku pun boleh xde manners weyh. You don't accuse people based on their appearances. Muka kusam ke, gemuk ke, sakit tulang ke.. not everything is from not confining. smart ass.

I ask oni maa...

1:

nak tanye, kenapa pantang ni asia je ada?

mat saleh xde pantang pun?

tnye je, just curious..

2:

ha..

try la xpantang,

badan rosak nnt, baru tau pantang tu perlu ke tak..

padan muka... tok nenek dia buat suma ada sebab,

xyah nk bajet modern sgt.

1:

BITCH, AKU TANYA JE, BODOH..!

p.s: i really hate org2 jenis #2 ni.. jenis xleh nk curious lgsg...

Why don't I want many children...

There are many sayings that children are blessings from Allah, and a miracle.

And, with all my heart, I believe they are true. But it really didn't assure me that it's compulsory for me to have many kids, and I'm talking about 6 to 7 children of my own.

Many asked me about my future after giving birth to Mika (specifically, how many kids I want), and to many, I answered, maybe just 2 or 3 kids, max...

And boy was I bombarded with snake eyes and disses, saying that I talk as if I know no God or fate or even takdir. It's a sin for me to plan my pregnancy as if I'm seizing my rezeki.

Bitch, you don't know me, and you don't know my story!

Yes, I know, rezeki ditangan Allah. But Allah also gives us brains to think. I am not you, nor you're me. Our rezeki are designated to our lifestyle and conveniences. We're totally different people. Stop judging others, just because we're not like you.

You have time to care for you children, Alhamdulillah, Allah blessed you with time. You're so proud that your education is only up to SPM level, and you're living such average life, yeah, by all means, Syukran for you, for you have your own preferable life style.

I'm not you, I enjoy my life now. Sure I have my ups and downs. I wish to be a homemaker, like you, working random homely jobs, to stop when you can. But, no. I've been living my life like this, and you should not judge or interfere.

I feel the need to list down the reasons, why I don't want many children:-

1. Time
- Let's face it. I'm not the smartest person in the world, I'm also very forgetful and clumsy. I'd like to focus on my kids and know them individually. Imagine being that child always being forgotten or ignored because your many siblings have all the problem in the world to tell to your parents, and they just don't have time to deal with you.

Every child is important, and if I'm going have many just for the sake of 'having' kids, and not paying attention I'd rather have none. I want to know every wee and woes of theirs and get to the bottom of their problems. I want them to get into trouble and teach them how to get out of it. If I have too many, things are likely to get out of hand, honestly.

2. Money
- "Oh, Puteri don't want kids because of money. Such an ignorant woman to not trust in Allah's plans." - Just shut up, and face the facts. Things in this world aren't getting cheaper, and cheap things are often sleazy and dangerous, or toxic. I want everything to be the best for my kids. Best toys, best educations, best foods, best vacations. (In Shaa Allah). And trust me, I don't want to spend my whole life, working so I can pay menial stuff just to afford a living.

I want to enjoy my hard work payment with my family, to earn a fun and healthy lifestyle. I don't want to fumble around thinking of my 7 children's needs and only dreaming about life before marriage.

3. Education
- The most important thing in life. And believe this doesn't come cheap! What if my kid's dream to become a pilot, or astronaut or is a wizard born muggle and need to go to Hogwarts. Those need money, and who am I to stop them? I want to provide them with whatever they need to achieve, to become a human being, rather than being stranded, let dreams be dreams.

4. Pain
- I gave birth once, and it wasn't all magical ponies and rainbows during the contractions, ok. Low pain tolerance.

I'd rather have a small, manageable family than a big hay wired one. I've been into one, and I know what it's like. You don't come to me and tell me I'm ungrateful. I may not get everything I hope for, even if I try, but I'll pray and work hard for it. I know what I'm getting myself in to...

Every body for their own.

Stressed

I admit I'm only human...

I feel tired, stressed, annoyed and easily irritated, especially when it comes to work.

But whenever I wanted to shout it out in my social media, I feel like a whiner. Like a loser who can't handle that one (or few) job.

But humanly speaking, I also feel like a pushover because of this. I don't whine about things, I just agree and do, get unappreciated at times.

Like now, I'm legit 9months pregnant, with body aches and mostly tired, I still have tons of work and clients to entertain. I can't even ask for help (but luckily I did). Been working at home for the WHOLE weekend until the wee hours of the morning, when I should be nesting for my coming baby.

I'm tired, exhausted and pissed. I only kept my calm because... I don't feel like being an irresponsible bitch. But yeah, I'm bitching!

I'm tired, I can't work and wife and mom at the same time. I'm not a superwoman. Not now.

I seriously need to quit working and start living. Been earning scraps for a shit ton of tolerance.

If no one cared for my condition, heck, I should care for my own! after this, NO MORE MRS. PUSHOVER!



via GIPHY

YEAH BITCH, I'M CURSING IN MY BLOG NOW, COZ I AM ADULTING HARD!!

MORAL VALUES DOWN UNDER! SUCK IT!

Life as a (Pregnant) Wife

Me:

Cayang, help me carry these to the back.

Hubby:

Ok.

Me waiting for him.

Him, on the bed or rocking chair, on his phone.

***

Literally, 10 mins later.

Me:

Cayang!

Hubby:

Oh, lupa!

Kalau sekali dua, xpe lagi tau... 

So Much Work

My brother in law (AKA my boss) and I talking about future projects and works need to be done...

BRO

Sorry Put, you're gonna be very busy until next month.

PUT

Sigh..

AWIN (his wife)

Put already applied for maternity leave by the end of next month.

BRO

What?

(looks at me in disbelief)

PUT

Yeah I did.

BRO

But you can't..

PUT

Want me to give birth at the office then?

BRO

But you can work from home, right?

PUT

You serious???

Sorry brahh.. Need time to prepare for the BIG PUSH!

*I partially feel bad, though. But nature calls.*

Need to Clean

There were few occasions where my husband and I would invite friends and family over to stay or hang out. We like having company around, once in a while.

Also on these occasions, I would try my very best to either book a cleaner a day before or clean the house myself. My husband would always bother me, telling me I don't have to go to that extent, as they are the people we're close with.

I realized I've developed this habit of wanting the house clean and spotless before having guests, and why wouldn't I? No matter how close we are to them, always keep the house clean for guests, because having the house messy and dirty, would leave a bad taste in my mouth, and don't even wanna know how the guests would react.

I just don't want them to go to my toilet, with it being moldy and slippery.. or smelly, like them public toilet. No! I want them to come and go comfortably and at ease.

Not to mention my reputation as a woman! I hate dirty houses. I am honestly not the CLEANEST, as my mom (who's a clean freak), but I try my best to keep my very own house clean and comfy.

This doesn't only apply when we're having guests around, it is also, for our own sake, I try to clean and organize everything, so life would be easier and nice.

This is exactly why I like small houses with minimal furniture and items. I'm trying so hard not to be a hoarder. I don't even like things being on the floor, like boxes or beanbags. It's difficult to vacuum or mop.

My husband doesn't help around much, and I kinda preferred he rather not. He's the type to do one thing and ignore the rest, like washing up all the dishes, leaving the fork and spoon behind, or cook but doesn't clean.. or throw away the garbage but doesn't replace the plastic bag. buat kerja setengah jalan, kata orang. urgh...

This is why I'm sort of tired all the time. Come home from work, to clean and cook, and clean again. It's almost never ending. It's extra tiring when you're almost 8 months pregnant. Sometimes, I don't even bother cooking or even cleaning. I would call the cleaner more frequently. Hubby would have to buy take away dinner for us. But, you can't blame me! I've been doing everything from before, so he has no say! LoL!

But for whatever reason, hubby never argue or whine when I asked for help, just setengah jalan je skit. Kena ketuk satu-satu, baru buat. tapi xpe, dia buat jugak. ILOVEYOU.

Buat lawak sedih

Pergi Cameron Highland,

Nak cuti-cuti over the weekend.

Ambil apartment, ambil master bedroom.

Seronok ada bathtub.

Simpan niat nak mandi bathtub,

SEKALI APARTMENT XDE AIR DAA!!

HAHAHAAH!!

(Cameron Highlands had issues with JPA, water supply didn't come through.)

oh well, maybe next time, ok?

*merajuk inside

sad doctor's visit

So, I had my 3rd cramping during this pregnancy, and I skipped work today. I went to the clinic to claim my MC, also, to cry over some preggy problems, like back pains and vaginal issues (just gonna be straight here).

1st, I talked about the crampings, which doc said, it's normal and isn't too serious unless I have them constantly, like, more than 10 times within 12 hours. That's probably the contractions. For now, maybe it's just the baby weight and irregular exercises.

2nd, about my vaginal problem, which I thought maybe a fungal infection or something. But since no bleeding, discharges or any liquid substances coming out, which I know I don't have any, it's maybe just sweating, as preggers gets hot and sweats continuously (you bet, I do!! so uncomfy!) It's just body odor, which I'm really disgusted with. So, I bought a new herbal vaginal wash, and pray to Allah, it'll work.

3rd, about my back pain. I know, preggers has to go through this at some time, but it's really uncomfortable. I just wanted some solutions to relieve it. But, the doctor just shook her head, smiling pitifully over me. "Bear with it, just a little while longer. You only have 2 more months to go. No pill or ointment is gonna work on it, for now. Sabar ye." I was so sad to her respond. She warned me, no pills, no meds, no ointment, and especially, no massages. Just bear with it and rest when needed. 

At the end of the session, I asked for an MC, which she gladly gave it to me. She said I need rest. But she was also surprised, she thought I was a housewife all this time because I declined any MC's she wanted to give me before this. LoL. Me, housewife? I wish, doctor. Hahaha!

At the end, I came back home, had a good rest with my furboys. All is well, though, back pain is still here. ;'(

Just 6 to 8 weeks left! Can't wait to finally meet you, baby! <3 div="">

Pujuk

Say I'm selfish and cruel,
Say I'm being disrespectful and ignorant...

Tapi, saya cukup tak suka pujuk orang yang merajuk or sentap tak tentu pasal.

I'm likely unsociable, I really seldom call people just to say hi. It's my semi-introvert attitude, and people closest to me should understand. But, as far as i know, if you want me to entertain you (if you miss me or just feeling lonely), I am more than happy to oblige, because I care.

What pisses me off is when you're just blaming me for not caring. You know what? I'm not a mind reader. We don't have that telepathic communication skill where i can feel that u need me.

You saying that i forget you, or that I never call, why don't you make the effort to call instead of waiting around? Tak susah, kan? But, no. You just have to indulge in your ego, that I have to call you first because I should know that you need me.

It's nice to know that you thought of me at times. I think of you guys, too. Tapi, aduhai.. apa lah salah nya, kamu call saya je? Tak salah apa aihh.. Tak payah la nak sentap merajuk, tak mengaku kawan/famili bagai. It's different if you call me all the time, but I never return call. I didn't call you, and you didn't call me, but I'm the bad one? No fair, ok?

p.s: siapa sentap, just so you know, I sentap too ok... 

Syukur Alhamdulillah

"Perempuan tak reti masak, tak boleh buat bini!"

Syukur jodoh kamu pandai masak.

"Perempuan bangun lambat? Takmo aku kahwin perempuan gitu!"

Syukur jodoh kamu hari-hari bangun awal.

"Eee.. mencarut! Susah kahwin kang!"

Syukur jodoh kamu berbudi bahasa.

"Belajar tinggi-tinggi, last-last jadi duduk dapur gak!"

Syukur jodoh kamu nak jadi surirumah.

...

Tapi ingatlah kaum Adam.

Nobody's perfect.

Layakkah kamu nak hukum orang begitu? Sedangkan:-

Masih perlu isteri bekerja demi tampung family

Masih solat tak cukup 5 waktu

Masih 'cuci mata' sana sini

...

INGAT! BEFORE YOU THINK OF TRADITIONS, THINK OF YOUR FAITH!

Kaji molek-molek.

Suami yang wajib

sediakan rumah buat isteri (maintanence). agama dia sempurna.

sediakan makan minum (masak and hidang). bagi nafkah kepada isteri.

Tapi manusia tak perfect.

Kamu tidak PERFECT.

If we can accept you, flaws and all, why must you judge us?

What goes around comes around.

give and take. Bersyukur dengan apa yang ada.

Insya Allah,

#tilljannah

p.s: naik menyampah dengan mentaliti sesetengah orang. jelak.

Rainy Eyes

I just hate it that every time it rains, my body feels the need to take naps.
Like automatically.

Especially when it's day time, in the office.
I would feel annoyingly sleepy, and I can't win!

short shorty sighted

My eye sight is getting worse by the year! Siapa anak Aziz ni, memang sejarah rabun kuat! Adik beradik sume berderet pakai glasses. Tunggu yg bongsu je. Most likely because of our addiction or life dedication to electronic screens. But then again, 4 out of 5 of my dad siblings, they all wore glasses.

I hate glasses, such a burden to my nose and so much sight limitations, not to mention the goofy look i got when i wore them with my hijab. urgh!! But i can't get used to contact lenses either. They made my eyes tired and dry, annoys me to my brain. Besides, it's an easier option to wear glasses instead of contacts.

I remembered, my eye sight was bad that i can't read signboards. Now, i can't even see the book right in front of me! It's increased so bad, I'm totally annoyed, I feel like doing lasik surgery. Ni baru naik power jadi 2. The rest of my siblings got their powers up to 7 or 8! I don't know how are they not annoyed. 

I just hope my future children would get their father's perfect eye sight. And eyes. :)

What a bloke

Yesterday, as my husband and I were driving out to my office, there's this one douche got angry at us in the trafic. He accused my husband playing with his phone and let the car go backward, which is very odd.

My husband apologised and just went off our merry way. It's not like we hit him or anything, i presumed. But my husband said that he may had hit him alil, but more like a touch or a bob. 

To my observation later on, he was following us so very close at the back. I could recognise his purple car. I ask my husband if he was tailing us. Turns out, he was very close to begin with (which probably cause of the bump). And if he's really following us, just to ignore him.

He was really following us! I got scared and annoyed, and until a certain junction, he drove past us, showing us his (unclear) middle finger, and made a U-turn. Well, that went well. I guess he did want to argue, but didn't have the guts to stop us. What a weirdo.

Gym Farts

Went to the gym.

Forgot my gym shoe. 

Wanted to go home.

Didn't bring enough cash. 

Sitting idle at the gym.

With flip flops.

Damn it Puteri... Damn it... 

P.s: well, can always use the sauna now.. 

Stop Reading Media Comments

I decided to not even glance at media comments from the public as it can be really mean and stupid. People are so judgmental, they're proud of their stupidity. 

and there's this special comment that irks me hella lot;

"Asl nk tnjuk pndai je speaking english. CKP BAHASA MELAYU LA BODOH!"

*facepalm from Neptune and back.

#ohgodwhy

So, yeah..

Be an INDIVIDUAL.

Destroy negativity from within.

Self control

Love to love.

and a lot more encouraging self control quotes.

please be smart. cyber bullying is real. don't be the next victim.

Inhuman

human are more animals than animals are to be human.

is it to be expected, or is the world to be in chaos?

the child is taught to be civil but the parents are more barbaric.

are these planned or are these fate?

people reaching to be individual but they are all the same.

they say they're nice but they bad mouth friends.

they say they're nice but the judge people.

they say they're nice but they disappoint their family.

they say they're all that, but they're none of it.

sometimes, i even wonder,

how to be extinct without feeling hurt or despair.

without any memoir.

without a trace. of. anything.