Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

confinement and judgements

#2:
Hai awak.. lama tak jumpa lepas ada baby kan? best tak?

#1:
Best la.. tp tu la, kena la berjaga malam skit, dah 3 bulan tidur tak betul.

#2:
eh, awk nampak gemuk la..
muka pun dah kusam, mcm orang tua. msti pantang tak betul kan?
tu la, nk moden sgt, pantang orang tua xmau ikut. Kan dah jadi mcm ni..

#1:
*this mofo 'bout ta go douwnnn...*
BITCH, i'm already fat before i'm pregnant, you stupid airhead.
muka kusam? aku baru ada anak kot, bru je btau 3 bulan tido xbetul.
ko paham ke tak? ko ingat beranak tu mcm main bola ke? penat sehari je?
pale hotak letak kt lutut. mulut letak kt pantat. jaga skit la adab berbual skit.
ko xyah nk ckp psl tok nenek sgt la.. tok nenek ko bukan tok nenek aku..

sebenarnya kan, I had enough of people scolding others about confinements. yeah, nasihat boleh.. tp nasihat la, bukan ugut, bukan berbiadap. no manners kan gitu? aku pun boleh xde manners weyh. You don't accuse people based on their appearances. Muka kusam ke, gemuk ke, sakit tulang ke.. not everything is from not confining. smart ass.

I ask oni maa...

1:
nak tanye, kenapa pantang ni asia je ada?
mat saleh xde pantang pun?
tnye je, just curious..

2:
ha..
try la xpantang,
badan rosak nnt, baru tau pantang tu perlu ke tak..
padan muka... tok nenek dia buat suma ada sebab,
xyah nk bajet modern sgt.

1:
BITCH, AKU TANYA JE, BODOH..!



p.s: i really hate org2 jenis #2 ni.. jenis xleh nk curious lgsg...

Friday, August 11, 2017

Why don't I want many children...

There are many sayings that children are blessings from Allah, and a miracle.

And, with all my heart, I believe they are true. But it really didn't assure me that it's compulsory for me to have many kids, and I'm talking about 6 to 7 children of my own.

Many asked me about my future after giving birth to Mika (specifically, how many kids I want), and to many, I answered, maybe just 2 or 3 kids, max...

And boy was I bombarded with snake eyes and disses, saying that I talk as if I know no God or fate or even takdir. It's a sin for me to plan my pregnancy as if I'm seizing my rezeki.

Bitch, you don't know me, and you don't know my story!

Yes, I know, rezeki ditangan Allah. But Allah also gives us brains to think. I am not you, nor you're me. Our rezeki are designated to our lifestyle and conveniences. We're totally different people. Stop judging others, just because we're not like you.

You have time to care for you children, Alhamdulillah, Allah blessed you with time. You're so proud that your education is only up to SPM level, and you're living such average life, yeah, by all means, Syukran for you, for you have your own preferable life style.

I'm not you, I enjoy my life now. Sure I have my ups and downs. I wish to be a homemaker, like you, working random homely jobs, to stop when you can. But, no. I've been living my life like this, and you should not judge or interfere.

I feel the need to list down the reasons, why I don't want many children:-

1. Time
- Let's face it. I'm not the smartest person in the world, I'm also very forgetful and clumsy. I'd like to focus on my kids and know them individually. Imagine being that child always being forgotten or ignored because your many siblings have all the problem in the world to tell to your parents, and they just don't have time to deal with you.

Every child is important, and if I'm going have many just for the sake of 'having' kids, and not paying attention I'd rather have none. I want to know every wee and woes of theirs and get to the bottom of their problems. I want them to get into trouble and teach them how to get out of it. If I have too many, things are likely to get out of hand, honestly.

2. Money
- "Oh, Puteri don't want kids because of money. Such an ignorant woman to not trust in Allah's plans." - Just shut up, and face the facts. Things in this world aren't getting cheaper, and cheap things are often sleazy and dangerous, or toxic. I want everything to be the best for my kids. Best toys, best educations, best foods, best vacations. (In Shaa Allah). And trust me, I don't want to spend my whole life, working so I can pay menial stuff just to afford a living.

I want to enjoy my hard work payment with my family, to earn a fun and healthy lifestyle. I don't want to fumble around thinking of my 7 children's needs and only dreaming about life before marriage.

3. Education
- The most important thing in life. And believe this doesn't come cheap! What if my kid's dream to become a pilot, or astronaut or is a wizard born muggle and need to go to Hogwarts. Those need money, and who am I to stop them? I want to provide them with whatever they need to achieve, to become a human being, rather than being stranded, let dreams be dreams.

4. Pain
- I gave birth once, and it wasn't all magical ponies and rainbows during the contractions, ok. Low pain tolerance.

I'd rather have a small, manageable family than a big hay wired one. I've been into one, and I know what it's like. You don't come to me and tell me I'm ungrateful. I may not get everything I hope for, even if I try, but I'll pray and work hard for it. I know what I'm getting myself in to...

Every body for their own.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Mika Uthman


ah~ my heart :)

Parenthood: Beginners

So far, parenthood has been.. well...

EXHAUSTING!

No lie. My 3months maternity break is almost over, and not one bit, I feel rested (no joke).

Taking care of an infant need your FULL attention and devotion. Nap time, milk time, playtime.. not to mention I need to do my part as a wife too, cooking, cleaning, communicating. And there is that one time, I thought of taking a day break from everything, handing Mika over to Lily to babysit one night, just for a full night sleep, mother instinct just had to kick in, I MISS MIKA SO MUCH! I was listless, indecisive and so occupied thinking of my baby.

Even if I wanted a full night sleep, I'd wake up in the middle of the night, looking for my son. I don't know how am I going to cope, going back to work next month, missing him all the time.

Let me tell you, ek..
MOTHER INSTINCT IS REAL!

It's both tiring, but a full blessing. Thank you Allah for this opportunity to be a mother. It's truly magical and now, my reality. No matter how tiring it is, I wouldn't exchange this with anything!


Saturday, July 1, 2017

Dear 19 Year Old Me

Dear 19-Year-Old me,

You just entered your new semester in UiTM, Perak. Last semester, everything was new. New best friends, new environment, new weather (the sweltering heat OMG). New things to learn, painting techniques, history, and how tiring it was to climb the studio every morning. Nevertheless, this semester, history will be made, in your life.

The nervousness built up as you enter your new class, new classmates, all sharing the same interest, I think? Don't worry, everyone was ultimately friendly. You'll enjoy most of your time in this class in your lifetime.

It was around this time, too, that you'll meet the love of your life. You really do like this guy. Who is he? He's that guy you first met in BEL class. He was clumsily elected as class rep, and you're his assistant. You wanted to get to know him because you'll be working together. You turned around to greet him, and you asked,
"Topi ko ni, busuk tak?"

which, then he replied,
"Try bau la."

You naively, amusingly did, by the way, you silly girl. He was shocked and called you weird. You were the first girl to even have the nerve to smell his cap. It was stinky, FYI.

You and Topet became friends, or more like, acquaintances. Normal classmates. He was super talented, though. And not to mention the ultimate goofball in class. You like being friends with him. But you weren't attracted. You're still fretting over that last ex-BF of yours in Dungun. But nevermind, you'll get over him. So over, that Topet and he became good buddies.

Soon, you'll find out that he has a girlfriend. you'll feel a little frustrated, but, why though, you asked yourself. You should be happy, or even, not think about it at all. You got this super hunk of a guy that has a crush on you. Trust me, you don't want this guy. He asked you for a kiss, and when you refused, he called you a coward. So, nope!

During mid-sem, you became best of friends. It started with Eno, texting you, as a prank or something. Then, Topet started to join the conversation (using Eno's phone to continue texting you). You talk about everything together. You feel proud when he praised your comics. You became so close, that you hung out almost all the time. Yeah, you'll feel guilty toward his GF, but you insisted you did nothing wrong since you're just friends. Besides, Eno is there all the time (3rd party since 2009).

Towards the end of the semester, it's time to go home. Semester break for a whole 3 months. You'll feel heavy hearted, sad, and lonely. The whole class was the best thing that has ever happened to you. Especially, Topet. He sent you in front of your dorm, for the last time that semester (with Eno, of course). Ayah will pick you up in the morning.

"Jumpa sem depan lah. Papehal, mesej je."

He then, turned his back, and waved goodbye, feeling like one of his anime characters, dramatically. You felt a little tug in your chest. You felt like crying. You like this guy. But, you still haven't realized it. But you will, starting the next semester, and the next, and the next...

... until you both eventually got married. You'll be having his child, In Syaa Allah in May 2017. Celebrating your 2nd wedding anniversary, and your 10 years of friendship with the love of your life.

See, you really like this guy. I know, I do. <3 p="">

I love you, Taufik Hidayat. Thank you for everything you've done for me.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Happy 2nd Anniversary


Dear love,

My friend, my soul, my life, my husband, my family, my world.

You are my favourite person in this world,
together with our newborn son.

Thank you for everything you've done for me.
Provide me love, shelter, comfort, and hugs.

We've known each other for 10 years.
Who'd thought that all those years would lead us here?

iloveyou endlessly
#tilljannah



p.s: nk tulis panjang2, otak tgh weng, dalam pantang lg nih.. ahax. just know that I love you very much!

High Blood Pressure

The back story of me giving birth to our son...

The due date was 6th May 2017, so my hubby and I figured we still have a week to go before giving birth. Atleast, 1st May lah.. not so soon.

Over that time, I was so stressing out with my workload, that I didn't get enough rest or leisure. So, by the time I was done with everything, I got up and get ready for my FINAL medical check up. Which was funny that coincidentally, this very 1st time, hubby wasn't able to accompany me to the hospital, to which I called my dad to asked if he's willing to accompany me instead.

All this while, throughout all the check ups I did with hubby, everything was normal, healthy and accordingly. BUT, this particular time, just this one time with my dad, EVERYTHING WENT WRONG! Low amniotic fluid and high blood pressure, to which the doctor quickly suggest me to admit that very day!

High blood pressure due to overworked, stress and not enough sleep. Terus terang cakap, memang salah MCMC event. no cover ups, ok!

My dad and Lily called hubby and told him everything. Hubby ditched his work and called me. I was crying hard and felt so guilty towards my baby. I kept apologizing, and also blamed my workload. Hubby was shaken. He drove straight to the hospital.

My dad confronted us, asking for our decision. We decided to just admit to the hospital. No more delaying.

***

The doctor gave me induce pills 3 times to force contractions, but I just wasn't feeling it. We slept one night at the hospital, hoping the contractions would come.

During that night, I wasn't able to sleep at all. Just that one night, I heard 2 women gave birth. One was screaming, one was having a hard time pushing. But both gave birth well. But it was scary for me. Every time I heard them, I'd call my hubby from the other bed, to come over and held his hands tight. He was trying hard to comfort me.

About 6 am, the doctor came in and asked if I was feeling anything. I felt nothing. She then gave me, the last option, inserting half pill into my cervix. If there's still no reaction, she told me, I might have to go under c-sec.

Just within half hour, STRONG CONTRACTIONS CAME! OMG! IT WAS SURPRISING PAINFUL. By 8 am, it was unbearable, I was sent to the labour room. My hubby, Lily and my dad were around. After almost 4 hours, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Right after my baby's out and crying, hubby cried so hard. He was glad it was over. You were very supportive Cayang. You are a great husband and father.

And that's how my birth story went. Yeay!


Welcome to the World, my son


Name:
Mohamad Mika Uthman bin Mohamad Taufik Hidayat

Birth date:
27 April 2017

Time:
11.50am

Weight:
2.7kg

Sex:
Boy

Sign:
Taurus

Year:
Rooster

Our precious son 



Monday, April 24, 2017

Stressed

I admit I'm only human...

I feel tired, stressed, annoyed and easily irritated, especially when it comes to work.

But whenever I wanted to shout it out in my social media, I feel like a whiner. Like a loser who can't handle that one (or few) job.

But humanly speaking, I also feel like a pushover because of this. I don't whine about things, I just agree and do, get unappreciated at times.

Like now, I'm legit 9months pregnant, with body aches and mostly tired, I still have tons of work and clients to entertain. I can't even ask for help (but luckily I did). Been working at home for the WHOLE weekend until the wee hours of the morning, when I should be nesting for my coming baby.

I'm tired, exhausted and pissed. I only kept my calm because... I don't feel like being an irresponsible bitch. But yeah, I'm bitching!

I'm tired, I can't work and wife and mom at the same time. I'm not a superwoman. Not now.

I seriously need to quit working and start living. Been earning scraps for a shit ton of tolerance.

If no one cared for my condition, heck, I should care for my own! after this, NO MORE MRS. PUSHOVER!



via GIPHY

YEAH BITCH, I'M CURSING IN MY BLOG NOW, COZ I AM ADULTING HARD!!

MORAL VALUES DOWN UNDER! SUCK IT!