Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Mika Uthman

ah~ my heart :)

Parenthood: Beginners

So far, parenthood has been.. well...


No lie. My 3months maternity break is almost over, and not one bit, I feel rested (no joke).

Taking care of an infant need your FULL attention and devotion. Nap time, milk time, playtime.. not to mention I need to do my part as a wife too, cooking, cleaning, communicating. And there is that one time, I thought of taking a day break from everything, handing Mika over to Lily to babysit one night, just for a full night sleep, mother instinct just had to kick in, I MISS MIKA SO MUCH! I was listless, indecisive and so occupied thinking of my baby.

Even if I wanted a full night sleep, I'd wake up in the middle of the night, looking for my son. I don't know how am I going to cope, going back to work next month, missing him all the time.

Let me tell you, ek..

It's both tiring, but a full blessing. Thank you Allah for this opportunity to be a mother. It's truly magical and now, my reality. No matter how tiring it is, I wouldn't exchange this with anything!

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Dear 19 Year Old Me

Dear 19-Year-Old me,

You just entered your new semester in UiTM, Perak. Last semester, everything was new. New best friends, new environment, new weather (the sweltering heat OMG). New things to learn, painting techniques, history, and how tiring it was to climb the studio every morning. Nevertheless, this semester, history will be made, in your life.

The nervousness built up as you enter your new class, new classmates, all sharing the same interest, I think? Don't worry, everyone was ultimately friendly. You'll enjoy most of your time in this class in your lifetime.

It was around this time, too, that you'll meet the love of your life. You really do like this guy. Who is he? He's that guy you first met in BEL class. He was clumsily elected as class rep, and you're his assistant. You wanted to get to know him because you'll be working together. You turned around to greet him, and you asked,
"Topi ko ni, busuk tak?"

which, then he replied,
"Try bau la."

You naively, amusingly did, by the way, you silly girl. He was shocked and called you weird. You were the first girl to even have the nerve to smell his cap. It was stinky, FYI.

You and Topet became friends, or more like, acquaintances. Normal classmates. He was super talented, though. And not to mention the ultimate goofball in class. You like being friends with him. But you weren't attracted. You're still fretting over that last ex-BF of yours in Dungun. But nevermind, you'll get over him. So over, that Topet and he became good buddies.

Soon, you'll find out that he has a girlfriend. you'll feel a little frustrated, but, why though, you asked yourself. You should be happy, or even, not think about it at all. You got this super hunk of a guy that has a crush on you. Trust me, you don't want this guy. He asked you for a kiss, and when you refused, he called you a coward. So, nope!

During mid-sem, you became best of friends. It started with Eno, texting you, as a prank or something. Then, Topet started to join the conversation (using Eno's phone to continue texting you). You talk about everything together. You feel proud when he praised your comics. You became so close, that you hung out almost all the time. Yeah, you'll feel guilty toward his GF, but you insisted you did nothing wrong since you're just friends. Besides, Eno is there all the time (3rd party since 2009).

Towards the end of the semester, it's time to go home. Semester break for a whole 3 months. You'll feel heavy hearted, sad, and lonely. The whole class was the best thing that has ever happened to you. Especially, Topet. He sent you in front of your dorm, for the last time that semester (with Eno, of course). Ayah will pick you up in the morning.

"Jumpa sem depan lah. Papehal, mesej je."

He then, turned his back, and waved goodbye, feeling like one of his anime characters, dramatically. You felt a little tug in your chest. You felt like crying. You like this guy. But, you still haven't realized it. But you will, starting the next semester, and the next, and the next...

... until you both eventually got married. You'll be having his child, In Syaa Allah in May 2017. Celebrating your 2nd wedding anniversary, and your 10 years of friendship with the love of your life.

See, you really like this guy. I know, I do. <3 p="">

I love you, Taufik Hidayat. Thank you for everything you've done for me.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Happy 2nd Anniversary

Dear love,

My friend, my soul, my life, my husband, my family, my world.

You are my favourite person in this world,
together with our newborn son.

Thank you for everything you've done for me.
Provide me love, shelter, comfort, and hugs.

We've known each other for 10 years.
Who'd thought that all those years would lead us here?

iloveyou endlessly

p.s: nk tulis panjang2, otak tgh weng, dalam pantang lg nih.. ahax. just know that I love you very much!

High Blood Pressure

The back story of me giving birth to our son...

The due date was 6th May 2017, so my hubby and I figured we still have a week to go before giving birth. Atleast, 1st May lah.. not so soon.

Over that time, I was so stressing out with my workload, that I didn't get enough rest or leisure. So, by the time I was done with everything, I got up and get ready for my FINAL medical check up. Which was funny that coincidentally, this very 1st time, hubby wasn't able to accompany me to the hospital, to which I called my dad to asked if he's willing to accompany me instead.

All this while, throughout all the check ups I did with hubby, everything was normal, healthy and accordingly. BUT, this particular time, just this one time with my dad, EVERYTHING WENT WRONG! Low amniotic fluid and high blood pressure, to which the doctor quickly suggest me to admit that very day!

High blood pressure due to overworked, stress and not enough sleep. Terus terang cakap, memang salah MCMC event. no cover ups, ok!

My dad and Lily called hubby and told him everything. Hubby ditched his work and called me. I was crying hard and felt so guilty towards my baby. I kept apologizing, and also blamed my workload. Hubby was shaken. He drove straight to the hospital.

My dad confronted us, asking for our decision. We decided to just admit to the hospital. No more delaying.


The doctor gave me induce pills 3 times to force contractions, but I just wasn't feeling it. We slept one night at the hospital, hoping the contractions would come.

During that night, I wasn't able to sleep at all. Just that one night, I heard 2 women gave birth. One was screaming, one was having a hard time pushing. But both gave birth well. But it was scary for me. Every time I heard them, I'd call my hubby from the other bed, to come over and held his hands tight. He was trying hard to comfort me.

About 6 am, the doctor came in and asked if I was feeling anything. I felt nothing. She then gave me, the last option, inserting half pill into my cervix. If there's still no reaction, she told me, I might have to go under c-sec.

Just within half hour, STRONG CONTRACTIONS CAME! OMG! IT WAS SURPRISING PAINFUL. By 8 am, it was unbearable, I was sent to the labour room. My hubby, Lily and my dad were around. After almost 4 hours, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Right after my baby's out and crying, hubby cried so hard. He was glad it was over. You were very supportive Cayang. You are a great husband and father.

And that's how my birth story went. Yeay!

Welcome to the World, my son

Mohamad Mika Uthman bin Mohamad Taufik Hidayat

Birth date:
27 April 2017






Our precious son 

Monday, April 24, 2017


I admit I'm only human...

I feel tired, stressed, annoyed and easily irritated, especially when it comes to work.

But whenever I wanted to shout it out in my social media, I feel like a whiner. Like a loser who can't handle that one (or few) job.

But humanly speaking, I also feel like a pushover because of this. I don't whine about things, I just agree and do, get unappreciated at times.

Like now, I'm legit 9months pregnant, with body aches and mostly tired, I still have tons of work and clients to entertain. I can't even ask for help (but luckily I did). Been working at home for the WHOLE weekend until the wee hours of the morning, when I should be nesting for my coming baby.

I'm tired, exhausted and pissed. I only kept my calm because... I don't feel like being an irresponsible bitch. But yeah, I'm bitching!

I'm tired, I can't work and wife and mom at the same time. I'm not a superwoman. Not now.

I seriously need to quit working and start living. Been earning scraps for a shit ton of tolerance.

If no one cared for my condition, heck, I should care for my own! after this, NO MORE MRS. PUSHOVER!




Wednesday, April 19, 2017

counting days

just 2 to 3 weeks left!
Can't wait to finally meet you, baby~ 


my everything (literally) all kembang2 sudah..

Friday, March 31, 2017

Life as a (Pregnant) Wife

Cayang, help me carry these to the back.


Me waiting for him.

Him, on the bed or rocking chair, on his phone.


Literally, 10 mins later.


Oh, lupa!

Kalau sekali dua, xpe lagi tau... 

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Nightly Tears

Being pregnant made me emotional at times.

One night, I got scared of labor and maternal death. I talked about it to my husband. He told me, I'm going to be fine. I want to believe him, but the thought of dying during childbirth scares me.

I made him promise to take care of our baby, and my cats. He tapped my face, telling me to stop saying such sad thoughts.

He hugged me long and tight. Giving me kisses and whispered that he is worried too, but he promised that everything is going to be alright.

I cried so hard that night. So many sad thought flooding my brain that night. My husband just held me close silently. He eventually started snoring.

I thought it's funny. So I stopped crying.

You know, it's kind of useless being scared of the future that we cannot determine. We can only prepare for the many possibilities. True, it's saddening and horrifying, but then, why worry about something we aren't sure of?

one of my life motto:

Can you fix it? YES. Then fix it.
Can you fix it? NO. Then why worry?