Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Monday, March 12, 2018

New SAHM Schedule (weekdays)

Pretending to be sleeping while my son whines in this cot,
trying to wake me up.

approx. 8.45 - 9am
Wake up and Breakfast for Mika (with Storybots on TV)
Make Breakfast for Hubster, for work

Bath time for Mika
Morning Playtime

Mika's susu and naptime

Ibu shower / Watch TV

approx. 12pm
Mika up from nap
Afternoon Playtime

Send Mika to nursery
Grocery shopping

approx. 2pm
Clean house:
Vacuum / Mop / Wash toilet / Laundry
Freelance job (if any)
Do nothing / Netflix and chill / Play PS4

Start to cook dinner

Pick up Mika from nursery

Mika's dinner
Hubby back from work

A little bit of night playtime

Mika's susu and bedtime

Clean up after:
wash dishes and bottles / Mika's dinner mess

Ibu's chill time


Approx. 6-7am
Mika wakes up for susu 
and continue to sleep


Something about me...

My whole life, I have this odd love-hate relationship with Virgos. Just knowing people born under that zodiac sign gives me the icks...

As a Libra, we tend to TRY to be fair and just towards everybody. We're calm and collective, we're so-called romantic and spontaneous. 

Whereas Virgos, despite being just next to Libra, they're the opposite of us. They're ambitious and independent, very very logical, and especially wants everything their way, because to them, it's the best option.

My sister, my ex-bibik, and my husband.

They irritate me a lot more than they should, pushing me to my limit! But I can't help myself loving them, as much as they bug the hell out of me.

No, I'm not saying that I'm in a toxic relationship, I, of all people, should know what's a toxic relationship looks like (FEMINISM!). It's just that, there were times when I feel like choking them for killing my vibe all the time. They so tedious and tactical, they do things TOO strategically, things that they think is convenient for them, but definitely not me!

I, on the other hand, being a Libra, loves going spontaneously and romantically, like planning birthday pranks or going on a romantic dinner.. but no, they hate em, waste of money and energy. urghh!!!

Nonetheless, I love them Virgos very much. Just, sometimes, I feel like murdering them with bags of peanut butter!! (That doesn't make much sense, does it? But whatever)

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

why now la??

now Mika dah 8 bulan..

tetiba kan..

hati kuat je gendang2,

"best nya, bila next dapat baby girl? 
boleh pakai bows and dresses."

*snap to reality*

what the heck was that? 
another baby so soon for me?

trauma beranak pun tak habis lg.
tak yah cerita lah trauma topet tengok aku bersalin.


maybe when Mika's a lil older lah.
Maybe 3 yo, or 13?


Friday, November 10, 2017

In my heart

Almost every day, when I look at my son, smiling and laughing, I thought, how lucky my son is, to have a family, people who care for him all around, to receive unconditional love. And I unconsciously compared him to babies who are tortured, abused, assaulted sexually and mentally, at a very young age before 1 year old.

I found myself teary and filled with guilt and anger, upon comparing my son to those unfortunate babies. I also question, will they ever heal if they survive such torture? will they be permanently affected by whatever scars they got?

To look at my son's smiling face, prying for attention, I imagine, what if my son were born from somebody else, with such abusive background? Where he'll get spanks instead of cuddles for crying? Where he'll be silenced instead of being fed for being hungry? Where he'll be ignored instead of played with, when learning to sit, stand or crawl?

I hug my son, praying and thanking Allah, for blessing us with him in our family. And pray that all the babies, toddlers, children and teenagers to be equally blessed with love from their family. Child abuse needs to end.

Mummy instinct gets stronger every day.

Monday, September 25, 2017

thank god~

I am very much thankful for a very functional family i have right now...

I actually try very hard not to be a clingy mom towards my baby, and let my husband has his moments with his son, and by moments, i don't just mean playtime.

My husband learned to bathe, change diapers, make bottle milk, babysit (with me around) so i can get that very very extra sleep i wanted on the weekend.

my husband very much knows how i looovveee sleeping in over the weekend. Just the other day, he let me sleep until nearly noon. I know how bad that sounded like, but, i've been up and about every other day, doing house chores and parenting...

so, it's a very balanced parenting lifestyle we're doing, because parenting isn't just a mom's job.

i'm very thankful for the family i have now, and there is no way in this world would i exchange it for another.

i love my boys

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

a letter from your newborn

Dear Mummy and Daddy

Please keep this letter from me in a place where you can read it and re-read it when things are rough and you are feeling down.

Please don’t expect too much from me as a new born baby, or too much from yourselves as parents. Give us both six weeks as a birthday present, six weeks for me to grow, develop, mature, and become more stable and predictable – six weeks for you to rest and relax and allow your body to get back to normal.

Please feed me when I am hungry, I never knew hunger in your womb and clocks and time mean little to me.

Please hold, cuddle, kiss, touch, stroke and croon to me. I was always held closely in your womb and have never been alone before.

Please forgive me if I cry a lot. I am not a tyrant who was sent to make your life miserable, the only way I can tell you I am not happy is with my cry, bear with me and in a short time, as I mature, I will spend less time crying and more time socializing.

Please take the time to find out who I am, how I differ from you and how much I can bring to you. Watch me carefully and I’ll tell you things which sooth, console and please me.

Please remember that I am resilient and can withstand the many natural mistakes you’ll make with me. As long as you make them with love, I cannot be harmed.

Please don’t be disappointed when I am not the perfect baby you expected nor be disappointed with yourselves when you are not the perfect parents.

Please take care of yourself; eat a balanced diet, rest, and exercise so that when we are together, you have the patience and energy to take care of me. The cure for a fussy baby is more rest for Mum.

Please take care of your relationship with each other. What good is family bonding if there is no family left for me to bond with.

Keep the “big picture” in mind. I’ll be like this for a very short time, though it seems like forever to you now. Although I may have turned your life upside down, please remind yourselves that things will be back to normal before long.

Enjoy me – I’ll never be this little again!

from: Babyology website

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

confinement and judgements

Hai awak.. lama tak jumpa lepas ada baby kan? best tak?

Best la.. tp tu la, kena la berjaga malam skit, dah 3 bulan tidur tak betul.

eh, awk nampak gemuk la..
muka pun dah kusam, mcm orang tua. msti pantang tak betul kan?
tu la, nk moden sgt, pantang orang tua xmau ikut. Kan dah jadi mcm ni..

*this mofo 'bout ta go douwnnn...*
BITCH, i'm already fat before i'm pregnant, you stupid airhead.
muka kusam? aku baru ada anak kot, bru je btau 3 bulan tido xbetul.
ko paham ke tak? ko ingat beranak tu mcm main bola ke? penat sehari je?
pale hotak letak kt lutut. mulut letak kt pantat. jaga skit la adab berbual skit.
ko xyah nk ckp psl tok nenek sgt la.. tok nenek ko bukan tok nenek aku..

sebenarnya kan, I had enough of people scolding others about confinements. yeah, nasihat boleh.. tp nasihat la, bukan ugut, bukan berbiadap. no manners kan gitu? aku pun boleh xde manners weyh. You don't accuse people based on their appearances. Muka kusam ke, gemuk ke, sakit tulang ke.. not everything is from not confining. smart ass.

I ask oni maa...

nak tanye, kenapa pantang ni asia je ada?
mat saleh xde pantang pun?
tnye je, just curious..

try la xpantang,
badan rosak nnt, baru tau pantang tu perlu ke tak..
padan muka... tok nenek dia buat suma ada sebab,
xyah nk bajet modern sgt.


p.s: i really hate org2 jenis #2 ni.. jenis xleh nk curious lgsg...

Friday, August 11, 2017

Why don't I want many children...

There are many sayings that children are blessings from Allah, and a miracle.

And, with all my heart, I believe they are true. But it really didn't assure me that it's compulsory for me to have many kids, and I'm talking about 6 to 7 children of my own.

Many asked me about my future after giving birth to Mika (specifically, how many kids I want), and to many, I answered, maybe just 2 or 3 kids, max...

And boy was I bombarded with snake eyes and disses, saying that I talk as if I know no God or fate or even takdir. It's a sin for me to plan my pregnancy as if I'm seizing my rezeki.

Bitch, you don't know me, and you don't know my story!

Yes, I know, rezeki ditangan Allah. But Allah also gives us brains to think. I am not you, nor you're me. Our rezeki are designated to our lifestyle and conveniences. We're totally different people. Stop judging others, just because we're not like you.

You have time to care for you children, Alhamdulillah, Allah blessed you with time. You're so proud that your education is only up to SPM level, and you're living such average life, yeah, by all means, Syukran for you, for you have your own preferable life style.

I'm not you, I enjoy my life now. Sure I have my ups and downs. I wish to be a homemaker, like you, working random homely jobs, to stop when you can. But, no. I've been living my life like this, and you should not judge or interfere.

I feel the need to list down the reasons, why I don't want many children:-

1. Time
- Let's face it. I'm not the smartest person in the world, I'm also very forgetful and clumsy. I'd like to focus on my kids and know them individually. Imagine being that child always being forgotten or ignored because your many siblings have all the problem in the world to tell to your parents, and they just don't have time to deal with you.

Every child is important, and if I'm going have many just for the sake of 'having' kids, and not paying attention I'd rather have none. I want to know every wee and woes of theirs and get to the bottom of their problems. I want them to get into trouble and teach them how to get out of it. If I have too many, things are likely to get out of hand, honestly.

2. Money
- "Oh, Puteri don't want kids because of money. Such an ignorant woman to not trust in Allah's plans." - Just shut up, and face the facts. Things in this world aren't getting cheaper, and cheap things are often sleazy and dangerous, or toxic. I want everything to be the best for my kids. Best toys, best educations, best foods, best vacations. (In Shaa Allah). And trust me, I don't want to spend my whole life, working so I can pay menial stuff just to afford a living.

I want to enjoy my hard work payment with my family, to earn a fun and healthy lifestyle. I don't want to fumble around thinking of my 7 children's needs and only dreaming about life before marriage.

3. Education
- The most important thing in life. And believe this doesn't come cheap! What if my kid's dream to become a pilot, or astronaut or is a wizard born muggle and need to go to Hogwarts. Those need money, and who am I to stop them? I want to provide them with whatever they need to achieve, to become a human being, rather than being stranded, let dreams be dreams.

4. Pain
- I gave birth once, and it wasn't all magical ponies and rainbows during the contractions, ok. Low pain tolerance.

I'd rather have a small, manageable family than a big hay wired one. I've been into one, and I know what it's like. You don't come to me and tell me I'm ungrateful. I may not get everything I hope for, even if I try, but I'll pray and work hard for it. I know what I'm getting myself in to...

Every body for their own.