Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Monday, April 24, 2017


I admit I'm only human...

I feel tired, stressed, annoyed and easily irritated, especially when it comes to work.

But whenever I wanted to shout it out in my social media, I feel like a whiner. Like a loser who can't handle that one (or few) job.

But humanly speaking, I also feel like a pushover because of this. I don't whine about things, I just agree and do, get unappreciated at times.

Like now, I'm legit 9months pregnant, with body aches and mostly tired, I still have tons of work and clients to entertain. I can't even ask for help (but luckily I did). Been working at home for the WHOLE weekend until the wee hours of the morning, when I should be nesting for my coming baby.

I'm tired, exhausted and pissed. I only kept my calm because... I don't feel like being an irresponsible bitch. But yeah, I'm bitching!

I'm tired, I can't work and wife and mom at the same time. I'm not a superwoman. Not now.

I seriously need to quit working and start living. Been earning scraps for a shit ton of tolerance.

If no one cared for my condition, heck, I should care for my own! after this, NO MORE MRS. PUSHOVER!




Wednesday, April 19, 2017

counting days

just 2 to 3 weeks left!
Can't wait to finally meet you, baby~ 


my everything (literally) all kembang2 sudah..

Friday, March 31, 2017

Life as a (Pregnant) Wife

Cayang, help me carry these to the back.


Me waiting for him.

Him, on the bed or rocking chair, on his phone.


Literally, 10 mins later.


Oh, lupa!

Kalau sekali dua, xpe lagi tau... 

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Nightly Tears

Being pregnant made me emotional at times.

One night, I got scared of labor and maternal death. I talked about it to my husband. He told me, I'm going to be fine. I want to believe him, but the thought of dying during childbirth scares me.

I made him promise to take care of our baby, and my cats. He tapped my face, telling me to stop saying such sad thoughts.

He hugged me long and tight. Giving me kisses and whispered that he is worried too, but he promised that everything is going to be alright.

I cried so hard that night. So many sad thought flooding my brain that night. My husband just held me close silently. He eventually started snoring.

I thought it's funny. So I stopped crying.

You know, it's kind of useless being scared of the future that we cannot determine. We can only prepare for the many possibilities. True, it's saddening and horrifying, but then, why worry about something we aren't sure of?

one of my life motto:

Can you fix it? YES. Then fix it.
Can you fix it? NO. Then why worry?

i asked again

I can be a lil narcissistic, but what gives kan? And towards my hubby pun.. xsalah.. lol!

So, referring back to that little chat I had with hubby, me asking him when/ at what age, was I most beautiful. He said, during that time, when he saw me at the Gempakstarz event.

I showed him pictures of me during that time, asking him if he was sure.

Seems like he misunderstood the question. He said that was the FIRST time he was attracted to me, not my most beautiful time. duh..

He then corrected his answer:

My most beautiful moment to him was during our Wedding Reception...

Fluttery hearts. ;p

Ok, Cayang. I love you.

Put, you narcissistic b**th

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

So Much Work

My brother in law (AKA my boss) and I talking about future projects and works need to be done...

Sorry Put, you're gonna be very busy until next month.


AWIN (his wife)
Put already applied for maternity leave by the end of next month.


(looks at me in disbelief)

Yeah I did.

But you can't..

Want me to give birth at the office then?

But you can work from home, right?

You serious???

Sorry brahh.. Need time to prepare for the BIG PUSH!

*I partially feel bad, though. But nature calls.*

Monday, March 20, 2017

Countdown Survey (PART 2)

Gatal rereading my old posts. Decided to rewrite this one again for fun.

Old post:


How did you get one of your scars?
I was making Lasagna when I accidentally touched the hot oven and burned my hand.
Just a lil.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
Gotten a surprise bouquet of roses from hubster :)

How are you feeling at this moment?
Cold, sleepy, sluggish, lazy.

How did your night go last night?
On the bed, playing "Guess the Song", 90's music version, using Spotify, with hubby.

How did you do in high school?
Ok, i guess. It has been 12 years...

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
Bought it at a bundle shop. Bandoru Shoppu~

How often do you see ur best friend?
Every day, every night. :)

How much money did you spend last month?
Not sure if I spent too much or too little, considering paying bills and stuff.

How old do you want to be when you get married?
Married at 27, just as planned. ;p

How old will you be on your next birthday?


Your mother's name?
Sri Asmarani

What did you do last weekend?
Slept in, made brunch and went out shopping a little

What is the most important part of your life?
My family.

What would you rather be doing?
Pursuing my dreams to become a cartoonist.

What did you last cry over?
A nightmare.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
Hugs from hubby and food.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
Loyalty, love, and comfort.

What are you worried about?
Being a new mom soon.

What did you have for breakfast?
Bananas. Like the real ones.


Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Yeah.... And I married him. #regretsnothing

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yup. And I married the heartbreaker. LOL

Have you ever been out of the country?
Yup. But need to get out more.

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Yeah. But I seriously can't recall which was the worst.

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
I don't think so. No one that I can remember?

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Hahaha! No.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Yeah, I guess? But, nothing serious?

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?


Who was the last person you saw?
My officemates and they're still here.

Who was the last person you texted?
My sister in our family WhatsApp group.

Who was the last person you hung out with?
Awan Kekanda, business matters.

Who was the last person to call you?
Awan Kekanda, business matters, again.

Who did you last hug?

Who is the last person who texted you?
The same sister whom I texted last.

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?
Taufik Hidayat.


Where does your best friend live?
With me. :)

Where did you last go?

Where did you last hang out?
Leko, The Curve.

Where do you go to school?
SMKBU, UiTM Perak, and UiTM Puncak Perdana.

Where is your favorite place to be?
At home, with hubby and my furboys.

Where did you sleep last night?
At home.


Do you like someone right now?
I do. :)

Do you think anyone likes you?
He better!

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Do you know the muffin man?

Does the future scare you?
It does.


Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
Because we're a match. :)

Why did you get a myspace?
I guess, my mom made me do it?

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
They didn't.

Why are you doing this survey?
Because I'm freaking PROCRASTINATING!


If you could have one super power what would it be?

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
Logically, a knife.


Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
I married my ex. #sorrynotsorry

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Yes. Yes, I would.


Are you happy with your life right now?
Yes, I am. :)


Cayang, we're definitely aging. I'm fat now.


For you ah, after all these years we've known each other,
when or at what age I was most beautiful to you?

Hubby thinking...

It's that time when we met at Sungei Wang, during the Gempakstarz event.

That time we accidentally met? You with Proff and Eno?

Yup. That time.

We were 19. That was the 1st time we met outside the campus.

Yup. That was your peak age and time.

I was 48kg!

Haha! Don't lie laaa...

Hubby was severely attacked by a vicious mad woman then.


Me during that event. I'm surprised tho... >.>
I wasn't even using decent makeup. I don't think I even had makeup on.

I've even made a comic of that fateful incident.
Guess I really made a good "FIRST" impression.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Need to Clean

There were few occasions where my husband and I would invite friends and family over to stay or hang out. We like having company around, once in a while.

Also on these occasions, I would try my very best to either book a cleaner a day before or clean the house myself. My husband would always bother me, telling me I don't have to go to that extent, as they are the people we're close with.

I realized I've developed this habit of wanting the house clean and spotless before having guests, and why wouldn't I? No matter how close we are to them, always keep the house clean for guests, because having the house messy and dirty, would leave a bad taste in my mouth, and don't even wanna know how the guests would react.

I just don't want them to go to my toilet, with it being moldy and slippery.. or smelly, like them public toilet. No! I want them to come and go comfortably and at ease.

Not to mention my reputation as a woman! I hate dirty houses. I am honestly not the CLEANEST, as my mom (who's a clean freak), but I try my best to keep my very own house clean and comfy.

This doesn't only apply when we're having guests around, it is also, for our own sake, I try to clean and organize everything, so life would be easier and nice.

This is exactly why I like small houses with minimal furniture and items. I'm trying so hard not to be a hoarder. I don't even like things being on the floor, like boxes or beanbags. It's difficult to vacuum or mop.

My husband doesn't help around much, and I kinda preferred he rather not. He's the type to do one thing and ignore the rest, like washing up all the dishes, leaving the fork and spoon behind, or cook but doesn't clean.. or throw away the garbage but doesn't replace the plastic bag. buat kerja setengah jalan, kata orang. urgh...

This is why I'm sort of tired all the time. Come home from work, to clean and cook, and clean again. It's almost never ending. It's extra tiring when you're almost 8 months pregnant. Sometimes, I don't even bother cooking or even cleaning. I would call the cleaner more frequently. Hubby would have to buy take away dinner for us. But, you can't blame me! I've been doing everything from before, so he has no say! LoL!

But for whatever reason, hubby never argue or whine when I asked for help, just setengah jalan je skit. Kena ketuk satu-satu, baru buat. tapi xpe, dia buat jugak. ILOVEYOU.

Ayah's advice

My dad gave me this advice after he found out I had a boyfriend in high school (I was 16).

He wasn't mad that I had one, just disapprove of it.

He said,

"I'm not saying you shouldn't experience these things, but, the higher education you go, the more people you'll meet, more great men you can choose from. Don't waste your time with things like relationships at a young age."

I have to say, I agree and disagree though.

But, what I agreed on was, if I am focus on what I'm passionate about, I'll find someone within the same range as I am.

It's not about, who's stupid or who's better, it's about, who's worth it..

Frankly, I'm not the smartest one in a bunch, but, I had time and space to see other things than relationships. And within that time, my husband and I found each other while pursuing our passion. That's how I like it. It's not blindly love and lust, it's passion and interest as well.

Thank you for that piece of mind, Ayah.