Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Monday, May 15, 2017

Happy 2nd Anniversary

Dear love,

My friend, my soul, my life, my husband, my family, my world.

You are my favourite person in this world,
together with our newborn son.

Thank you for everything you've done for me.
Provide me love, shelter, comfort, and hugs.

We've known each other for 10 years.
Who'd thought that all those years would lead us here?

iloveyou endlessly

p.s: nk tulis panjang2, otak tgh weng, dalam pantang lg nih.. ahax. just know that I love you very much!

High Blood Pressure

The back story of me giving birth to our son...

The due date was 6th May 2017, so my hubby and I figured we still have a week to go before giving birth. Atleast, 1st May lah.. not so soon.

Over that time, I was so stressing out with my workload, that I didn't get enough rest or leisure. So, by the time I was done with everything, I got up and get ready for my FINAL medical check up. Which was funny that coincidentally, this very 1st time, hubby wasn't able to accompany me to the hospital, to which I called my dad to asked if he's willing to accompany me instead.

All this while, throughout all the check ups I did with hubby, everything was normal, healthy and accordingly. BUT, this particular time, just this one time with my dad, EVERYTHING WENT WRONG! Low amniotic fluid and high blood pressure, to which the doctor quickly suggest me to admit that very day!

High blood pressure due to overworked, stress and not enough sleep. Terus terang cakap, memang salah MCMC event. no cover ups, ok!

My dad and Lily called hubby and told him everything. Hubby ditched his work and called me. I was crying hard and felt so guilty towards my baby. I kept apologizing, and also blamed my workload. Hubby was shaken. He drove straight to the hospital.

My dad confronted us, asking for our decision. We decided to just admit to the hospital. No more delaying.


The doctor gave me induce pills 3 times to force contractions, but I just wasn't feeling it. We slept one night at the hospital, hoping the contractions would come.

During that night, I wasn't able to sleep at all. Just that one night, I heard 2 women gave birth. One was screaming, one was having a hard time pushing. But both gave birth well. But it was scary for me. Every time I heard them, I'd call my hubby from the other bed, to come over and held his hands tight. He was trying hard to comfort me.

About 6 am, the doctor came in and asked if I was feeling anything. I felt nothing. She then gave me, the last option, inserting half pill into my cervix. If there's still no reaction, she told me, I might have to go under c-sec.

Just within half hour, STRONG CONTRACTIONS CAME! OMG! IT WAS SURPRISING PAINFUL. By 8 am, it was unbearable, I was sent to the labour room. My hubby, Lily and my dad were around. After almost 4 hours, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! Right after my baby's out and crying, hubby cried so hard. He was glad it was over. You were very supportive Cayang. You are a great husband and father.

And that's how my birth story went. Yeay!

Welcome to the World, my son

Mohamad Mika Uthman bin Mohamad Taufik Hidayat

Birth date:
27 April 2017






Our precious son 

Monday, April 24, 2017


I admit I'm only human...

I feel tired, stressed, annoyed and easily irritated, especially when it comes to work.

But whenever I wanted to shout it out in my social media, I feel like a whiner. Like a loser who can't handle that one (or few) job.

But humanly speaking, I also feel like a pushover because of this. I don't whine about things, I just agree and do, get unappreciated at times.

Like now, I'm legit 9months pregnant, with body aches and mostly tired, I still have tons of work and clients to entertain. I can't even ask for help (but luckily I did). Been working at home for the WHOLE weekend until the wee hours of the morning, when I should be nesting for my coming baby.

I'm tired, exhausted and pissed. I only kept my calm because... I don't feel like being an irresponsible bitch. But yeah, I'm bitching!

I'm tired, I can't work and wife and mom at the same time. I'm not a superwoman. Not now.

I seriously need to quit working and start living. Been earning scraps for a shit ton of tolerance.

If no one cared for my condition, heck, I should care for my own! after this, NO MORE MRS. PUSHOVER!




Wednesday, April 19, 2017

counting days

just 2 to 3 weeks left!
Can't wait to finally meet you, baby~ 


my everything (literally) all kembang2 sudah..

Friday, March 31, 2017

Life as a (Pregnant) Wife

Cayang, help me carry these to the back.


Me waiting for him.

Him, on the bed or rocking chair, on his phone.


Literally, 10 mins later.


Oh, lupa!

Kalau sekali dua, xpe lagi tau... 

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Nightly Tears

Being pregnant made me emotional at times.

One night, I got scared of labor and maternal death. I talked about it to my husband. He told me, I'm going to be fine. I want to believe him, but the thought of dying during childbirth scares me.

I made him promise to take care of our baby, and my cats. He tapped my face, telling me to stop saying such sad thoughts.

He hugged me long and tight. Giving me kisses and whispered that he is worried too, but he promised that everything is going to be alright.

I cried so hard that night. So many sad thought flooding my brain that night. My husband just held me close silently. He eventually started snoring.

I thought it's funny. So I stopped crying.

You know, it's kind of useless being scared of the future that we cannot determine. We can only prepare for the many possibilities. True, it's saddening and horrifying, but then, why worry about something we aren't sure of?

one of my life motto:

Can you fix it? YES. Then fix it.
Can you fix it? NO. Then why worry?

i asked again

I can be a lil narcissistic, but what gives kan? And towards my hubby pun.. xsalah.. lol!

So, referring back to that little chat I had with hubby, me asking him when/ at what age, was I most beautiful. He said, during that time, when he saw me at the Gempakstarz event.

I showed him pictures of me during that time, asking him if he was sure.

Seems like he misunderstood the question. He said that was the FIRST time he was attracted to me, not my most beautiful time. duh..

He then corrected his answer:

My most beautiful moment to him was during our Wedding Reception...

Fluttery hearts. ;p

Ok, Cayang. I love you.

Put, you narcissistic b**th

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

So Much Work

My brother in law (AKA my boss) and I talking about future projects and works need to be done...

Sorry Put, you're gonna be very busy until next month.


AWIN (his wife)
Put already applied for maternity leave by the end of next month.


(looks at me in disbelief)

Yeah I did.

But you can't..

Want me to give birth at the office then?

But you can work from home, right?

You serious???

Sorry brahh.. Need time to prepare for the BIG PUSH!

*I partially feel bad, though. But nature calls.*

Monday, March 20, 2017

Countdown Survey (PART 2)

Gatal rereading my old posts. Decided to rewrite this one again for fun.

Old post:


How did you get one of your scars?
I was making Lasagna when I accidentally touched the hot oven and burned my hand.
Just a lil.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?
Gotten a surprise bouquet of roses from hubster :)

How are you feeling at this moment?
Cold, sleepy, sluggish, lazy.

How did your night go last night?
On the bed, playing "Guess the Song", 90's music version, using Spotify, with hubby.

How did you do in high school?
Ok, i guess. It has been 12 years...

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
Bought it at a bundle shop. Bandoru Shoppu~

How often do you see ur best friend?
Every day, every night. :)

How much money did you spend last month?
Not sure if I spent too much or too little, considering paying bills and stuff.

How old do you want to be when you get married?
Married at 27, just as planned. ;p

How old will you be on your next birthday?


Your mother's name?
Sri Asmarani

What did you do last weekend?
Slept in, made brunch and went out shopping a little

What is the most important part of your life?
My family.

What would you rather be doing?
Pursuing my dreams to become a cartoonist.

What did you last cry over?
A nightmare.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?
Hugs from hubby and food.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?
Loyalty, love, and comfort.

What are you worried about?
Being a new mom soon.

What did you have for breakfast?
Bananas. Like the real ones.


Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Yeah.... And I married him. #regretsnothing

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yup. And I married the heartbreaker. LOL

Have you ever been out of the country?
Yup. But need to get out more.

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
Yeah. But I seriously can't recall which was the worst.

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?
I don't think so. No one that I can remember?

Have you ever had sex on the beach?
Hahaha! No.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?
Yeah, I guess? But, nothing serious?

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?


Who was the last person you saw?
My officemates and they're still here.

Who was the last person you texted?
My sister in our family WhatsApp group.

Who was the last person you hung out with?
Awan Kekanda, business matters.

Who was the last person to call you?
Awan Kekanda, business matters, again.

Who did you last hug?

Who is the last person who texted you?
The same sister whom I texted last.

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?
Taufik Hidayat.


Where does your best friend live?
With me. :)

Where did you last go?

Where did you last hang out?
Leko, The Curve.

Where do you go to school?
SMKBU, UiTM Perak, and UiTM Puncak Perdana.

Where is your favorite place to be?
At home, with hubby and my furboys.

Where did you sleep last night?
At home.


Do you like someone right now?
I do. :)

Do you think anyone likes you?
He better!

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Do you know the muffin man?

Does the future scare you?
It does.


Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?
Because we're a match. :)

Why did you get a myspace?
I guess, my mom made me do it?

Why did your parents give you the name you have?
They didn't.

Why are you doing this survey?
Because I'm freaking PROCRASTINATING!


If you could have one super power what would it be?

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?
Logically, a knife.


Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?
I married my ex. #sorrynotsorry

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?
Yes. Yes, I would.


Are you happy with your life right now?
Yes, I am. :)