Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Thursday, June 30, 2011


im not the type to order people around coz i dont wanna sound like a typical malay boss.

im not the type to ask favour much coz i dont like it when people brag about it.

im not the type to borrow money coz i dont like the idea of owing people.

im not the type to blame others coz i dont the feeling to be blamed on.

im not the type to scold others coz i dont want friends to stray from me.

im not the type to take coz i dont like people to think im easily bought or take.


i like to be ordered around coz i dare to take the job.

i like to be asked a favour coz i like to be appreciated.

i like to lend to / spend on friends money coz it makes me happy to be able to help in a way.

i like to be blamed on.... (what??? no way la!!)

i like to be scolded (not really) coz in a way, im being cared of and im learning something.

i like to give coz it makes me happy to see the ones i love smile... :)

Damn You!

you shud be sooooooo thankful that my parents taught me to control my temper! i swear i feel like calling you and curse you so bad, you'll regret that you even know me.

who do you think you are?? just because u think you'r greater than i am, doesnt give you any rights to take me lightly. i GAVE you this freaking opportunity for you to be known in the freaking industry. you swore to me to do your best and wont disappoint me and will make this work. but now??

right from the start you got me into trouble! i was scolded, dissed, mocked, all because of you! ever since this project started, all the troubles happened, all because of you!! seriously... YOU!!

now dont try to detest me or outsmart me or anything!!

yes, i do think its partly my fault too... why? because i was too soft to be pushed around. WHY? cause i RESPECT you... but now? dude.. you just lost it.. you're now just a DOUCHBAG to me, a sweet talker and all talk!! i dont care about your other works... you didnt prove to me anything..

dont try to say im stupid. i TRUSTED you, and you gave me CRAP!! oh wait, i was stupid... TO EVEN TRUST YOU WITH THIS IN THE 1ST PLACE... evn after weeks and weeks of excuses... i had enuff...

now we lost it, and its mainly your fault... i cant cover for you anymore.. you and your freaking EGO... 

Yes, i am a coward... for not telling this straight to your face. coz beside you, is a woman, whom happens to be my friend. you'r lucky enuff that im not that much of a bitch to call her and tell her on you. coz i respect your relationship.

p.s: FYI, im not the type of person to blame another frm a failure... but this... thanks alot... seriously, ALOT!!

Monday, June 27, 2011

There are five words that mean more than I love you 
and those words are 

"I'm here to stay forever"


Thursday, June 23, 2011



Call your family often.

Each day give something good to others.

Forgive everyone for everything.

Spend time with people over the age of 70, under the age of 6.

Try to make at least three people smile each day.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. 
Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011



Do the right thing!

Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

The best is yet to come.

Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

aku bukan aku yang dulu

aku bertindak dengan melulu
aku bukan wanita sebegitu
apa yang menimpa diriku
aku bukan aku yang dulu

berputik dari cinta yang palsu
aku jatuh dalam dakapanmu
namun, bukan aku yang kau mahu
aku bukan aku yang dulu

hatiku parah dan juga pilu
walaupun ku tahu, kau bukan milikku
aku menangis tanpa jemu
aku bukan aku yang dulu

kini diri ini menjadi beku
mengira hati satu per satu
aku jadi gila tidak menentu
aku kini bukan aku yang dulu

p.s: this was a poem i wrote long ago, when i was confuse with love... ;p it turned out pretty good.. for me... >.>

Monday, June 20, 2011



Don’t compare your life to others. 
You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. 
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

Don’t over do. Keep your limits.

Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.

Dream more while you are awake.

Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

Forget issues of the past. 
Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. 
That will ruin your present happiness.

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.

Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. 
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and 
fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

Smile and laugh more.

You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree

Daddy Day

Daddy Day to Ayah...
celebrated with lots of love, laughter, songs and... 
sadly, Bieber songs included...

made a Karaoke Surprise party for Ayah,
which was pretty hard to get him into the surprise...
golly... >.>

but evrything worked fine...

fond memory songs.. ;)

A Whole New World duet
Ayah and me

almost the WHOLE Bieber album
Ameen (solo) & Ain (solo)

almost all the songs there
Aisya rockstar-wanna-be

Aiman and Me

Just The Way You Are
whole siblings...

Billie Jean & Bad
Ameen (dancing Jacko style)

Hijau (last song for that night)
Ayah & me

love love dearest daddy... :)

Saturday, June 18, 2011



Drink plenty of water.

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and 
eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

Live with the 3 E’s - Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

Play more games.

Read more books than you did in 2010.

Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

Sleep for 7 hours.

Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. 
And while you walk, smile.

i hate you

yes!! you!!
you sux big time!!
you hurt me so much..
you make me cry badly...
you make me puke!!

no matter what people say about you!!
you'r still a pain!!

no matter how goody2 you can be..
oh, you cant fool me!!
you spoil my appetite and you make me puke and stop eating..

who do you think you are??
stupid onion...

please ibu.. dont make me eat it anymore... i'll die!!! 

p.s: yes, this post is purely dedicated to onions of all kinds and garlics. they do sux... >.>

Friday, June 17, 2011

heart beating?

people always say,
"when im with you, my heart skips a beat"

when im with him,
my heart went berserk like some retarded scratched vinyl...
or like that part in Katy Perry song, E.T
"Kiss me... K-K-Kiss me"

*heartbeat disco-ing*


you dont always have to be
who they want you to be, you know.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

letter to mr.boyfie

im gonna reflect evrything i did..
what i said i wont do, but i did...

dear mr.BoyFriend,

when we hooked up together (bfore the devastating break up in the middle), i promised myself to be the most perfect gf ever. you know.. the ones who wont:

> get jealous easily.
> be so irritating and gedik.
> be unreasonable.
> be unforgiving.
> stop you from doing what u want (that wont effect our relationship)
> be too bossy or fussy.
> treat you so bad.
and the list goes on.....

what im trying to say is.. be so good that u'll feel like the luckiest man alive to be with me.. or evn just not regretting being with me.

but some how, i felt that i'v done evrything i said i wouldnt do. i know that nobody's perfect, but to keep repeating doing it, is no accident (but most of the time it is... i didnt unconciously.. HONEST!!).

you used to be so open with me, but now, its like you hv to keep some in, so i wont get piss off, and recently, u admit that i get piss off easily and too often too. when you said that, i felt like a large SHAME boulder banged my chest. im ashamed with myself for not keeping my own promises/vows. i felt like im a horrible bitchy gf, like the gfs i once detested, randomly by how they treat their bfs (get what i mean?). im also ashamed with you, afraid that u'll feel that being with me is a burden or somewhat...

i know that you'r also annoyed with my stubborn attitude, and making you bear with it, is just unfair. we argue over small silly things like make up and messages and habits... its all just not right...

i cant promise that i'll change straight away, but i can promise that i'll try. to be the girl you once knew before, the girl whom you had fun with, long time ago. its not all about fun in a relationship, but hye, most of it, IS... ;)

im not sweet,
im not lady like as u like,
im not creative as i shud be (considering the course im taking)
im stubborn,
im heartless,
im blur most of the time (pissing u off evrytime),
im a clown,
i hardly have manners (in front of you, usually),
i showed you my ugly side (almost all the time.. i mean literally ugly),
i have attitude problem,
i have weird fetish and flaws
bla bla bla....

the point is, im not like most girls, which you like and desire me to be,
i can try to change (the ones that was advised by million of people that im suppose to change),
so be patient ok...

just to let you know that, no matter what happen...
im always with you, evn when im not me, i will always be with you...

with love and kisses,

p.s: this letter/blogpost, is not for me to say any fault that u did to me, its for me to say sorry for any fault i did to you.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Grenade for Bullies (to sing)

i really do think Grenade is sort of a psyco song...
but this one... the one im singing...
i made some modifications, alil... in the lyrics...
making it sound more.... errmm... psyco-bitch like.. i guess?? ;p

as usual.. i stumble alot...
not much of a singer...
pardon the silly self...
anything la!!!


p.s: sorry for the silly "cincai boncai" messy look...  cant wait to try the song... ;p

Sticky Goo Monster

in a warm humid evening,
from a dark room in a condo house,
rises the horror of the night...


so sticky!!
so messy!!
so oily skinned!!
with face so uncomfortable to look at coz
that's how she's feeling!!

she rises!!
she roars!!
and off she goes...

p.s: too hot la tonite... cannot stand!! aiyoo!!!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

sickness combo!!!


very bad flu 
(breathing difficulties)


sore throat


swollen ulcer 
(eating difficulties)

dry lips 

1st day menstrual 

what's making it worse?


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Friday, June 3, 2011

Danny Messi no more

various of messages been spread thru FB and mobile phones,
about Danny....

"Danny had passed away."

"Danny is still alive because his heart is still pumping."

"Danny's oxygen machine will be pulled off on Friday dawn."

"Danny's oxygen machine will be pulled off on today at dawn."

"Danny had passed away 10mins ago."

i honestly dunt know what to believe....
thus, i decided to only believe Leo, who know what is really happening.

when i browsed his FB page,
Leo himself claimed that Danny had left us...

Ahmad Danial Shamshul Bahrin @ Danny Messi @ Danny Mello

i'v only know him since earlier last year,
semester 1, degree in animation.
my classmate, my animation family member.

he was just a cunning rascal, pretty much annoying and sometimes very disturbing,
like, ignoring when people calling his name, taking things without considering someone in using it,
and love to annoy you when you least expected it.

but, eventho he's like that,
he never fail to make people comfortable, and help whenever he's needed.
always kidding around with is goofy smile and style,
that changing hair do now and then,
the freQuent track pants to class...

there was never an awkward moment between him and anybody...
talked to him for a min, and suddenly, you're his bestfriend...
a good friend indeed....

now, i'v known him for 3semester...
only for 3sem, he's now gone....

before, there were 2 Danials in our class, Danny and Danini....
now, left 1...
we hv always loved the confusion, between which danial...
but now... no more...

no more Danny Messi
Danny Messi no more

RIP danny... you will never be forgotten....

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Danny Messi

31th May
i was preparing to go out to catch movies with my mom, stepdad and sis... when i received a disturbing status update on FaceBook.

"Danny had an accident. He's in a coma and his conditions is critical"

i was shocked... if this is a joke, its not funny! but it wasnt. i asked alot of friends.

what happened?
where is he?
how is he?
i wanna see him... NOW!!

i tried to keep a straight mind, but i ended up aimless. dumbfounded. lost of words. i held up my tears in. its not over.

i called up my mom to cancel the movie, and i called up my friends, asking almost evrything and if they could go with me, since im having transport problems myself. but it seems, i had to delay my wish. i promised myself to visit him tomorrow. FOR SURE!!

later that evening, after i got home from the movies, i received another msg.

"Danny's brain is no longer functioning. to any of his friends who are able to visit, please come visit him for the last time."

shocked and heartbroken. i refused to acknowledge the fact, and i believe in Allah's miracles. even after i read about brain death, i know, there must be hope! Danny has always been a strong guy.

1st June
im not being dramatic here, but these was what i was feeling... truly...

i woke up early today (knowing a friend is struggling for life, i couldnt sleep that well), and prepared to go to the hospital. i took a taxi to KL Central to meet up with Nadia Hanie, so we could go together. We took the KTM together, talking how shocked we were and stuff.

as soon as we arrived at Serdang station, while waiting for Syakir to pick us up to the hospital, i'v already felt this nervousness and fear in me. alot of questions went thru my head.

how is doing?
what if we lose him?
his brains is damaged, how is he feeling?
pain? sorrow? 
will he remember things?
where is he, spiritually?
what if i were to be in his place?
who shud i fight it? struggle?
and many many more....

when Syakir with Kertu arrived, all these Questions kept repeating in my head, until it worn me out... i fell asleep until we arrived to the hospital.

we meet Leo and Hannan on our way in, and we asked about HaziQ. That was when i knew what happened.

"Danny stayed with HaziQ at HaziQ's parents' house in Gombak, due to a job they took together. On the way to their working place, HaziQ, who was driving (?) the motorcycle, with Danny as the passenger at the back, HaziQ lost control and they fell.

HaziQ had minor scratches, but Danny... He didnt buckle his helmet. The helmet went off from his head as Danny's head hit the ground, hard, giving him internal bleeding."

oh gosh, it maybe Danny's fate, but knowing HaziQ, whom is always caring and soft, will blame on himself forever. And Danny is his BFF. HaziQ is a very careful and detailed man. its totally not your fault!

wanting to meet HaziQ but he wasnt around. he didnt sleep since yesterday, watching Danny.

Syakir, Anan and Kertu escorted Nadia and i to see Danny. Evry step close to the ward, i became more nervous and scared. i imagine what to expect and almost cried.

as i assumed we were getting closer to the ward, i saw a group of people surrounding a bed, some were whispering, some were crying. The guys went into the group and pointed at the bed.

"what, all these group is here for Danny? oh god... this CANT be the end!!"

i heard sniffling, whispering and the Kursi. in the midst of people there, slowly, i saw him. it was worse than what i imagine. his face was swollen and his body was inserted with tubes and needles, he's breathing with the help of a machine.

I tried to deny. that is not Danny! Danny always smiling and kid around. Nadia held up my arm and cried. i couldnt help myself either. i just cried. i didnt care when the guys saw me crying. i just let go. a family member of the animation family that i love most.. is struggling for life...

one of his aunt (i assume) told me,
" speak to him, he can here and understand you.. tell him your name and speak.."

i did... i didnt wanna miss any chances... i spoke to him, telling him to be strong and hv faith. i read the shahadah for him... and look at his face.. i want to remember it....

i turned to his mother, told her that i was her friend. She hugged me tight, telling me to my ears,
" forgive his sins, give halal to all the food and drinks he may owe you"

i could hold up... so, i let go... sobbing away in her arms...
"he has no sins towards me, he was a good friend..."

"i know he is, and he's a good son too... forgive him. Thank you so much for coming."

i hv only met her once in my life, but i could felt the sadness in her voice, her arms...
Danny was her eldest son. a mother's feeling of losing her child, nobody can feel it, except for a mother.

afterwards, we went home... i went out with my mom n iQin again, coz i promised to go out together...

later at night, i received an FB status,
" Danny is no longer with us. Please pray for his peace."

being so shocked, i almost break down again... i thought deep... but wasnt sure what to think...

But, later... i had another FB status.
"The news of Danny passed away was false. Danny is still alive because his heart is still beating."

what a relief... right now, im still waiting for news... i hope and wish it would be a good one.

Ya Allah, please give us your miracle, save Danny, for he is important to us... Amin...

p.s: right now, i do wish its a joke... i might hit who ever's idea... but atleast... its a joke... 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

1000 no kotoba

always wanted to do this song...
from my fav RPG game
(Final Fantasy x-2)

1000 no kotoba
(sen no kotoba)
{1000 words)