Hugs

 When I was younger, I always felt a tad jealous of siblings or friends who were able to hug their parents freely and at any time.

Frankly, it's mainly because I grew up away from my bio mom. Of course, my stepmom was kind and nurturing, but you don't really get the same kind of loving from a mom who birthed you. You don't get the random snuggles and kisses.

But, sure, I get hugs from dad, with the occasional bedtime stories and stuff, but he works so much, we hardly have quality time together. And when my boobies started to grow at the tender age of 10, I got shy and insecure, so I couldn't really confide in him, let alone hug.

When I got married, I realised I really yearn for deep hugs. The snuggles, the deep breath-in embrace, the under-his-neck hug. Huh, no wonder I cannot sleep without a bolster la kan?

Now, as a mother, I hug my kids more than they ask for. I urge their dad to get used to it too, because I know there will come a time when they'll be too shy to hug their mother, because...yeah. But their dad can hug them more, and I hope they maintain that forever.

Strong Feels

 I miss it.

Feeling feelings. 

Those strong emotions and deep sentations we feel when we were younger.

We feel almost everything to the extreme. Shock, joy, sadness, love and hate.

I miss that sensation of having a crush. That intense feeling of jealousy. That excitement of having loved back. When things were new, fresh and adventurous. 

Nothing confirmed, nothing set in stone, yet we embraced it like no tomorrow. We gave all and get some back.

I also miss the energy. For friendships, situationships and relationships. Calls until the wee hours of night. Nightly lepak mamak even with morning class next day. Secret dumping our hearts out. All of that. We had so much time for all the feels, and yet it felt so packed, nothing was spared.

Now, as things going dull with time, the calm is approaching with age. We seem to love most but care less. We managed emotions smarter and wiser, from the times we had before, but the sense of adventure is getting less. We learned what and what not to do, we know how things will happen and feels like. We avoid risks and damaging relations. We’re wiser now, but where’s the thrill in that?

I wish to experience things the first time again.