Listen To Your Heart, You Will Understand

Monday, April 4, 2011

i need interruptions....

Staying here, right here in Puncak Perdana,
remembering GOD KNOWS WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT HOME..
is making me so effing NUTS and DISTURBED...


I miss home, 
my superbly protective ibu,
my nutsy ayah,
my extremely annoying siblings, 
my nagging bibik, 
my clinging kakdewi and kakdesi,
my "pissing doglike rabbit" Sunny.

I miss my friends,
my gagap cheQin,
my "must be there" Mas,
my loving boyfie topet,
my super fun diploma years...

its so lonely here...
with only my PC and internet as my communicator with family and friends...

yeah sure, i hv frens here..
but evrybody is so busy and serious... its driving me crazy!!!
there's no fun in doing anything.. always so serious, and it scares me alot...

if i were to be serious all the time, i wud join the business faculty dude... no joke...
im so stressed with the loneliness... especially when im at home (rented house)
my close housemates all gone... no more kakben, no more kakfio...

just me n stranger here.. with her making THOSE problems... i dont really talk to her... ok... i dont talk to her at all... geezzz... why shud i?? she brought a guy stayed here before.. i wont befriends with someone who "wudnt care about what other thinks??". besides, she's hardly home at all...

evryday, alone at home... waiting for the time for me to move out permanently... cant stand mr.Landlord calling my without even considering my privacy and time...

urgh!! and the gossips and social problems here.. way out of control.. not matter lecturers or students... its so obvious now to myself why i dont like the glamorous world... evrybody is just so freaking selfish and pretentious... i hv the rights to say coz i saw it, heard it and experienced it... 

all these nasty things and thoughts are making my lose my focus in my future planning... i didnt give up on studies.. getting my degree... im just too fed up with all these drama and freaks... i feel like quiting here...

DANG RIGHT IM RANTING!!
why the heck im ranting..?? coz my stopper isnt here... who?? 
CheQin... the only one who makes me feel good and always there for me whenever, even if i dont tell.. she wud notice evrything.. im practically see through... and i miss her so freaking much and i cant stand it, coz i usually let go of my feelings by laughing n hugging with her... 

now that i cant do that anymore... im always down and having mental breakdowns, especially when i cant get to meet her...

home therapy is good too... but its too far away... so cheQin is the nearest option... but now, even my nearest option is out of reach... im going berserk!! 

been here for almost 1 1/2years and still cant get use to the place... i dunno if i were to be able to survive another 1 1/2year....

p.s: im so down.. i wanna cry so bad... i hate being alone... i hate it so much... it nvr fail to make me sad... 

p.s.s: i need a hug...


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