Family Feud

 It has been a while. A very long while.

The caretaker who took me in when I was little turned something in me into stone. No longer feeling compelled to please nor to endure.

Every single year,

Every single meet-up,

I would receive the same response, the same discrimination, the same judgment.

"Who is this?"

"I don't know this person."

"I hate you. I don't care about you."

And almost every time, I would have to butter up with gifts and compliments. Others told me to endure it; she's old. But she's VERY vocal and persistent. And I'm through.

I cannot even drive very far. I have a hard time travelling around. And when we do meet, I'd hardly bring my kids, as I refuse to let them even witness me being degraded and emotionally spat at. I refuse to let my husband be the anxiety drainer over this matter. And some people are just enablers...

They all called me to get over it. It's not about me. But what's wrong with thinking about me? What's wrong with trying not to get rejected at every single appearance? 

And you know what's funny? We basically have to BEG for your time to meet. Chase you, just so we can salam. No eye contact, because I'm so derhaka... 

I love you, and thank you. We will always be family, no matter what. Hope you're happy with your empire, but I'm just fine down here, looking up to you. I also just hope that you'll forgive me one day. I'm tapping out.