empty

yup...

frankly, i feel empty here. and im sure of myself that im not the type of person who would have trouble adapting in new places.

i'm here for almost 2 1/2 years and still, this place seems to be a stranger to me. there's alot of things that i dont know, and weirdly, i dont even bother to know. maybe coz, in this place, people seems to take their own business personally too much... maybe coz, there's no such thing as tolerance here, let alone love and warmth.

its kinda sad to say that, despite my long being here, i dont love this place at all. except for my classmates and certain nice people here, i just cant find the urge to love here. specifically, i would want to blame the hierarchy of the campus, but then again, it wouldnt be too fair for me to judge (thus, one cant help judging if there's too much coincidence, right?).

i'm kind of tired putting on a fake attitude, just to be part of the faculty. Being a hypocrite, pretending to like the system and all, its just too tiring. no wonder few of the most potential students here quit. i quite understand now. i'm lucky to be part of my (isolated) course. being new (course) to the faculty, others seems to (kinda) neglect us, as new comers. judging us coz we werent from here since diploma years. but for me, im kinda glad that im not from here, or else, i would be brainwashed with the system here too, making me like em... its not that im accusing em being rotten or anything like it... im not here to judge, but like i said, (one cant help judging if there's too much coincidence).

i miss my Perak life. i would lie if i'd say we never had any hypocrite times, but it was for the better and things turned out lovely. that's right. its all because we love each other and we cant afford to see em getting hurt coz we were too frank. some things are best when kept pleasant, coz its not about how hurt u felt in the past, what matters is how u'r feeling now.

say im childish of talking about love and warmth and all, but, why are we studying so hard, trying too hard to be professionals if one cant fulfill the need of the heart? i wouldnt wanna work on the field, feeling fake and discharge. if being too stressful is making you look professional, then, excuse me for wanting to work "coz i love my work". 

right now, i (doubtly i'm alone) just wanna finish my studies here and be done with it. 

p.s: excuse my rant. i just needed a time out~