I'm still dazed

Despite the old age I'm coming to,
I still can't really say that I've matured along with my age.

I still act repulsively.
I still am not sophisticated.
and not to mention, still am very playful.

And there are worse times, when i have to admit,
that I'm not sure i'm womanly at all.
I'm lack of sensitivity and just plain ignorant.

While some girls would watch love movies with emotions,
I'd rather watch my cartoons and Anime.
Yes, I watch dramas as well..
but only selective ones, like Rom Com (Romance Comedy) or Anime.

I should have attended that grooming school for girls my mom suggested.
(but it was too much of a hassle at that time.)
I still lack of that delicate feel.

But then again, i must have some strong points, somewhere, right?

URGH!! This frustrates me even more!!
Just let me try being...  womanly sometimes..
HAHAHA!! I'm sure it'll shock everybody!!

p.s: and here i am ranting about my selfish self again, when knowingly it's noon and I haven't slept a wink last night! Well, just have to stay awake for the rest of the day now~ goshh~

Those sweet simple things I love (top 10)

#1

somebody playing with my hair till i sleep

#2

long slow drive in rural area with the window down

#3

holding hands

#4

long snuggly hugs

#5

little children's stories

#6

sharing good food

#7

staring at people i love 

(even though, they're uncomfortable with it)

#8

cheeky kisses!

#9

screaming my favourite song together

#10

laying down, sharing the sound of the rain, silently

[MTV] Hazama - Penglipur Lara

One of few Malay songs with passion.

Isnt about love. But life..

awesome work.

truly inspiring. :)

Vivian Maier slideshow in HD

I was watching Vivian Maier photos, looking up the pictures of people, old and young.

It got me to think.

'How will i be in the future?'

When thinking that, what I did in my past life as a child, how will i be in the future,

it sort of giving me the chills.

I just don't know how to say this actually, but the fact that,

this chilling sensation im feeling, it's telling me,

'If somebody were to found pictures of me, how would they portray me? Can they know how I was through the image of my eye? Will they be able to tell my past? My emotions of aging? Of life?'

Because, that's how I feel exactly for this people in the photos.

Vivian did a wonderful job portraying these people. As if, they are still around. She definitely stopped time.

I'm not sure if i convey this emotions in me correctly here, but I'm sure I did, atleast 30% of it here now.

Hijabster

I used it when I was in High School but took it off when i was 17.

That was my highest rebellious point during my teen years. LoL

And now that I'm Taufik Hidayat's fiancee,

I'm practicing to make a change in myself,

starting with Hijab.

Pray for my weak heart and iman to be strong.

Help me maintain this way of Allah.

Slowly, I want to change for the better!

I might start small, and may be with my old ways again.

But, I will stay strong and independent!

Amin. :)

Selfie Me

I just like these pictures of me very much!

credits to Amad. :)

My Eday was PINK?

Yes... It's pink.

For people who know me from long before,

they might be surprised at this. Why?

Because I used to hate pink.

But, thinking that, i want my eday to be sweet looking and cheerful,

That's the color alright. Since I'm not a kid anymore, so I don't hate it (much).

naive, soft, sweet and subtle

everything that's not really me. LoL!

But, it's an Eday. So yeah, granted!

Turns out, the color came out just nice and i love it!

It gave me the feel that i wanted, just in the right amount!

Not so bad at making decisions huh?

And his side?

BLUE!

He said pink won't go well with blue.

pffttt~ really?

Turns out fine to me.

So, at a cliche end..

Pink Woman, Blue Man

nice.. :)

EDay Thanks

Thank to all who helped me manage the ceremony so smoothly and beautifully~
but mostly...

Thank you Ibu Sri
... for the catering.
... for the moral support.
... for traveling from Singapore to Damansara for me. (becoz when she goes back, she hv to work so much OTs)
... for accompanying me shopping for items. (Im just so bad in KL)

Thank you Ayah
... for helping with house cleaning and decorating the dais too.

Thank you Puteri Lily
... for being the most wonderful event manager ever! Decorating the dais and organizing almost everything.
... for letting me rely on you so much!

Thank you Aunty Sarimah and MAC
... for sponsoring the door gift and the cake. Such lovely gifts.

Thank you Aunty Irma
... for helping me with my shopping in KL. Driving us around here and there. (Its just so hectic there.. >.>)

Thank you Pak Ngah and family
... for being the pantun maker, the entertainer and mini organizer for the on going ceremony

Thank you Abg Faizal Rezza
... for sponsoring the photographer. Took beautiful images of the ceremony. I love it!

Thank you UmzarulNadia
... for making me beautiful that day, and at a half price too! You're a wonderful (and talkative) friend indeed. Everybody praised your work. I especially loved it too!

Thank you Paksu Fendi
... for the time u spent to brief us before the ceremony. Helped us a lot and clearly too!

Thank you Aunty Sa'adah and Uncle Ali
... for proposing and accepting me as your son's lover and future bride.

and especially you...

Thank you Taufik Hidayat
... for loving me.

Without everybody here, i can't imagine how the ceremony would turned out like. Im just so bad at event planning... So thank you, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Im Engaged to the Love of My Life

I woke up early morning in a hotel room. Been sleeping with my mom. I just feel at ease sleeping with her after so long... (what do you expect? Im a grown woman..) I got up and get ready to walk home (hotel was just a walking distance away). We bought breakfast and a few other things.

As reached home, i saw the mini dias, decorated beautifully in the middle of the hall.

'In a few hours, i'll be sitting there. Well, thats nerve wreaking...'

I help some of the house work (including yelling at my siblings. They were making a mess!)

Then, my aunty came... then my friends.. then my make up artist... then the photographer......
As there were more and more visitors were arrived, the more anxious i became. The time must be close! They must be nearby!!

_______________________________________________________________________

The ceremony went smoothly (praise Allah) and i was so happy! They were exchanging pantuns and laughter. Smiles all around.

But... I, who was upstairs, waiting for my call to go down...

was twitching and very nervous... 

'howdoiact?howdoismile?whatshouldidofirst?whenshouldidoit?ohgodamisweating??doismellbad?ismyhairgood?ismymakeuptoothick?'

...until my aunty called me down. I insisted that my mom accompany me downstairs, so i grab her wrist! I tried smiling elegantly (act natural, dang it!) until THIS SOMEBODY, WHO WAS LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME, STARTED GIGGLING MISCHIEVOUSLY! (im talking about you Sal!)

so yeah, i was taken to be seated on the dias, and... urmm... smile??? (sweats)

Luckily, i heard a tiny voice calling me... 'kakput! kakput!'... It was Nana (Topet's sister). She was all smiles and started to wave at me. I was so relieved and delighted. All the tension for nothing. Its a family event. I knew almost everybody in the room, so this me isn't ME. I know they know that very well.

So, the ceremony went on, reciting some Du'a and stuff.. then...

the nerve started to wreak again.... its the 'Sarung Cincin'!!! (where, the future mother in law, wears it for the future bride as a proposal from the future groom)

We were both so awkward, we weren't even smiling right! Yes, WE! Me and Aunty Sa'adah!

As she ring the ring through my ring finger, all emotions waved in together. I was touched, shy, nervous, happy!

The ceremony ending with us all socializing and chatting and eating. It was a delightful day. Glorious!

We have yet to announce the Wedding Date... but soon ok?? 

VERY VERY SOON!

So, when that happens, remember to SAVE THE DATE! 

p.s: don't worry... ayah won't hurt you... that bad... LoL

p.s.s: brace yourself though.

Happy 3rd Anniversary

How we confessed

I've always been that girl who can not stay in a relationship for more than 3 months. Even if the guy was my best friend for years. I'm that type to leave when i feel it won't work between us. It was never about another guy or girl. Never about fights or arguments. But there's this one particular guy that broke the record.

I started eyeing this guy from our early acquaintance times. He's creative, funny, cute and very helpful. He took notice of me when he realized that i was kind of helpless in designs. He was my classmate after all, and that's how it all began.

He was generous about his knowledge of design and i was very keen to know more. He invited me to a one-on-one Photoshop tutoring and he was strict on it. He taught me a lot! He made me practice and gave me extra assignments even though i have a lot more to do. I was going half mad and pissed, but i keep in mind that he actually took his personal time off to tutor me. He didn't even ask me to repay him in any sort of way. He was sincere.

Not long after, i knew he had a girlfriend. I thought, "Oh come on! Of course he has a girlfriend! He's bound to have one. A good looking one, too." So, I decided to back of a little bit and line my limits. Before i had any serious feelings for him.

But as time goes by, he naturally comes to me, claiming i'm his best friend. I was delighted with the title. Too delighted perhaps, that friends around me started to notice something. They reminded me that he has a girlfriend. I do realized, some times, i tend to forget that. That was when i started to feel more lonely and filled with jealousy and ego. I started questioning the typical jealous girl questions. "What does she have that i don't? What does he sees in her? Does time gap between me and him, and her and him, really makes that much differences?" Yes! I questioned those things. But really, i slapped myself into reality. Why on earth must i question these things? If she's is making him happy, i'm happy for them. I may sound like a hypocrite, but at least i don't ruin other people's relationship, despite my previous relationship history. 

This push pull, love hate relationship i had with myself was unbearable until i can't take it anymore by the time we were in our final semester. This was my most crucial time of my Diploma years. I had an argument with my mother and father. I was financially broke for final year assessments and survival. I was crying so bad almost every night. Sleepless nights from assignments. Throughout everything, CheQin (my bestie) and him helped me a lot! Like really A LOT! They were my savior, my life savior. They helped me escape this awful reality. If it wasn't for them, i would have quit, even though i was only days away from completing my studies. 

All of his effort of helping me, made me fall for him even harder, which is bad, considering he has a girl friend. He even told me that he cares and he is willing to do anything to help, even if i have no place to stay (in case i refuse to go back to KL), he was willing to take me back to Penang with him and let me stay with his friend. How on earth could i NOT fall for him at this rate? I strictly told myself No! I need to get myself straight. I can't do this. So, i decided to leave him for good after we finish our studies. I decided not to continue my studies in the same course and to cut any connection with him after. My wish for him to be happy with his girlfriend was sincere. Honestly.

Since i decided to leave him, i'v gotten much friendlier to him (not flirting, i think?), just my little goodbye gesture for him. I made him happy as a friend. Laughs with him, work with him, studied together. It was sad for me, so i went all out! Made him a special friend, made him happy, for my own benefit. Few days later, he told me, he broke up his girl friend. I protested. I wasn't sure why and i don't want to ask, but i thought, why put him into pressure when he's very near to our most important presentation ever? It wasn't fair, thus, i wasn't in place to question other's personal problems.

Days went by and we finished our final project presentation, so we celebrated with our friends. We went for an all-nighter outdoors. We planned that each one of us to buy a gift, and give it to whoever gets it in a game. We split up in a mall, and he caught up with me. We were looking and chatting and all. Boy, was my heart beating as hell! I just can't keep it to myself anymore. I was at my limit. In my head, all the words and planning jumbles up, i just don't know how to say it. He eventually noticed my awkwardness. How my heart beating like it wants to burst. My head was malfunctioning. I wasn't sure what was wrong. Seriously, this has NEVER happened to me. NEVER! I have never liked a guy so much, i feel like dying. I was in a serious dilemma. If i said it, what will he think of me? Will he hate me? Will he think that i just want to hook up with him because he just broke up? What will my other friends say? A man snatcher? I love my friends so much, i don't want them to think i'm bad. But if i don't tell him, doesn't it mean i'm hurting myself? Besides, i'm going to leave him anyway, whether he likes it or not. I'm going all out! I'v only got 2 days left before i go back to KL. Now or never!

I pinched the back of his shirt, which put us on halt, in the middle of the mall. He wanted to turn around but i told him not to. I was sweating and nervous. My mind went blank and the only words that came out was, "aku suka kt kau (i like you)". The funny thing is, despite that it took all my guts and effort to say those words, he didn't hear it clearly and asked me to repeat. Can't blame him though. We were in a mall. It was noisy and loud. I chose my words again and repeated. This time, he heard me, and wanted to turn around. I begged him not to, but he insisted. He pulled me by the side. I just hid my face behind my hair, refused to look at him. My face was hot! I was blushing so bad, i can't look at him, but he insisted. He said he wanted to see my face. Straight to my no make up, messy hair and pale black lips, he said, "aku pun suka kt kau sebenarnya (i actually like you too)". 

I stopped breathing a bit. I couldn't believe what i'v heard. I was overjoyed and deliriously happy. I started grinning to myself, and he reached for my hand. We were walking hand in hand! It was the greatest feeling ever. But what if our friends sees us? What would they say? I was nervous and wanted to let go. I looked at him and he was looking back. We let go together. We knew it was too early and was a bad idea to let them know like this.

Our friends soon knew in our guessing game at the end. Some of them was pleased and some protested. But overall, we had their blessings, which means a lot to me. 

We had a few rough bumps on and off, here and there after that. But i will never forget how we confessed. Sure it wasn't by the beach or under the stars, but i treasure those times most. Throughout our hardships and togetherness, I'm blessed to have you in my life, Mohamad Taufik Hidayat. Happy 3rd Anniversary.

With Love

Puteri Nurul

p.s: all of this are true. I'm neither an angel, nor a devil. i'm only human. I admit i was bad and too rushed. But Alhamdulillah, we're happy now. The most important moment is NOW.

Tic Toc Ticking

Only 13 days away from the Eday...

so much preparations to do still... 

aiyoiyoi~

feel to keen

just randomly come by.. to blog something not worth reading at all..

just came back from Singapore... hye! i found a job there... making money i am.. lol...

save money for OUR future... time passes both fast and slow these past few weeks... not sure why..

just came home shopping with MR.BRAVO-A-LUBBA-BUBBA-LUBB (wtf?)

1st time in my life i spent so much in a day!!!

as long as we're happy... mehh...

need to shower now.. but im so freaking lazy.. 

but my period is flowing furiously, 

freaking NIAGARA FALLS feels like a faucet water flow.

nyehehehe...

Virgo boy is 25

6/9/1988

Happy birthday to my one and only loverboy. Happy celebrating your 25th year living on this planet, in this universe.

i make du'a for you to live healthily for many many many many many years to come. 

And may all your wishes came true.. With effort... LoL 

P.s: im not good with wishes... But, know that i will always love you.. ❤

Parent Meeting

Few days ago was nerve wreaking for us.. His dad met my dad... To arrange an agreement for our engagement..

Oh my...

Im getting engaged!

Alhamdulillah.. Our relationship had our parents blessings...

Save the date (tho its a small family only event)!

23 November 2013

So much to do and ive yet done anything! Im so nervous!

I love you so much cayang, and i am more than ready to live with you. Bear with me and we'll work it out together.

We may not be perfect, but we are much more than happy. Thank you for loving me. ❤

P.s: need to go on an extreme diet. Dont want my eday with me looking ridiculously fat... >.>

what just happened?

receiving a phone call from my boyfriend is probably a normal thing, except for this one... especially this one...

Topet Hidayat

i'v got something to tell..

Puteri Nurul

yeah? (about to slurp in my spaghetti)

Topet Hidayat

my dad is coming to meet with your dad within this 2-3 weeks time.

Puteri Nurul

huh? (in disbelief)

Topet Hidayat

my dad is coming to meet your dad...

Puteri Nurul

yeah.... why??

Topet Hidayat

to get to know each other... to talk of our engagement..

Puteri Nurul

WHATTT??????? We're engaging???

and the rest of the conversation had me rolling on the floor (literally)...

Ya Allah, i know i've sort of kept asking for the day, but, when it happens, all nerve system just went kaput! im freaking out, nervous as hell and cant believe that this day would come!!

Alhamdulillah that our relationship had came up with a progress. i just need to slim down n be prim n proper now... training!! training!! my god!! im a wreak!!seriously!!

p.s: so.. this is how it felt...

Soon in Singapore

this year will probably mark the shortest trip to Singapore... because of my job...

im sorry in advance ibu.. :(

anyways...

before my line get disconnected in Singapore, i would like to gather my palm and fingers together and ask for forgiveness to who ever that may have been hurt from what I've done or said, for i am only a humble human being myself...

please make halal for all of the things given to me.

i cant promise a perfect me next year, but pray for a better and improved me onward.

from here, i also would love to wish, Happy Aidilfitri. Assalammua'laikum ;)

that awkward moment...

... when this is sort of... true... guilty as charged... >.>

try Quiting drugs... sort of...

you know what?
im so freaking lazy... i think i know what causes me to be lazy... yeah... i think i do...

i think i hv 'drug' addict problem..
my drug?
THE INTERNET...
im so addicted, i cant live without it.. yeah...
im on it everywhere...
im hardly offline.. yeah..

so i need to make a habit of restraining myself from being on9..
atleast... 4times a week... yeah... for starters..

i shud be fine.. right??
if i got nothing to do, i ought to go out right?
the gym or something...
pray for me... :(

p.s: im so lazy, i wont even wipe my makeup b4 bed... :((

facing my own conseQuences

having friends or acQuaintances who are beautiful, clean skin, nice hair, have great sense of style and very sophisticated.. i often end up falling in deep depression with all those life time repeating Questions like:

why am i fat?
why do i have skin allergies?
why am i not sophisticated?

and to think that all this (pointing as whole self) are all actually my own doing.. my lazy ass doing. i used to have nice skin, i used to have a nice body (one that im satisfied with), i was just never sophisticated.. but what the heck...

i would always repeat, if only im willing enough to get up early to go to the gym, just to do the fast walk on the track mill every day, or do pilates like i promised myself, or eat healthily.. but i always ended up waking up at noon and have chips and sit all day infront of the PC, until god knows who calls, inviting me to go out. this giant lazy MOFO piece of ass... are you just gonna wait till ure all wrinkly and aging at the age of 35 and die at 40?? coz u hv a freaking cardiac failure?? too much fats in blood stream?? haa?? no i dont wanna...

and this skin... urghh... this dry eczema-ly ill skin... why u no follow what ibu said?? use lotion after shower!! everyday!! bring lotion evrywhere... i hv ill skin... cannot be dry... or things will pop up!! eww.. urghh... why is it so hard to be discipline..?? i need a life trainer...

Bestie Marriage Proposal Surprise!

for the 1st time in my life, iv seen a real life marriage proposal.

the sweetest thing ever!!

from our all time lovey dovey couple

Ima&Khalis

Khalis actually made the plans with us to surprise his future wife.

i was so excited, i was afraid that i'd blew our cover.

he got on his knee after a video play in a electronic store,

took out the ring and asked, 'will you marry me?'

omg i just died!!

Ima was flustered, stuttering, blushing!

i feel so happy for her!

she was (and probably still is) smiling all night through.

and Khalis, man was he sweating (out of joy?)

to think,

sweet guys like Khalis give a very bad impression towards the other guys.

and there goes me...

"why cant you be romantic as he is?"
how obnoxious, but hye, one cant help it.. ;p

good going Khalis and congrats guys..

love u both ketat2!!

who said?

who said and agreed that our world now has advanced when in some part of the world..

ban women and girls to receive education?

forced child marriage is still active?

starvation still prevail?

religious war still going on?

men still thinks women are useless?

children are still ignored?

slavery are still going strong?

the law are still weak?

mix racial marriage are still frowned upon?

who said?

who are we to say that?

i am thankful that i am born and raised in a modern country.

sure there's corruption here and there,

but compared to other countries,

im thankful.. :)

Alhamdulillah.

im in a position that is able to offer help to others.

no matter how small the aid is,

never forget that

"the simplest gesture is able to heal a life of another"

lazy ass to the bone...

i just lost count on how many times in my life have i referred to myself as fat and lazy. and still, there just isn't much effort or enthusiasm in me to actually pick up the ass and lose weight. of course i did jog and done Pilates... but none of em actually maintain at least 3 days... goner!! im not really a patient person, so kind of expected fast results. if it isn't working, im done. major problem..

and my boyfriend,

i know how much he loves me and met well about myself. but he... (sob sob) would always complain if i eat too little. its like,

Puteri

i think i'll just have the mushroom soup and salad.

Taufik

what? no! have a proper meal! order rice, NOW!

i love you so much Cayang, but... why???

of course, partly my fault for ordering too much sometimes, but i could at least have it take away and eat it later, don't force me to eat it! coz it'll end up, me having a super bulge under my shirt, and its not the boobies... :(

also, im so unmotivated to do any exercising activity, especially when im alone, or fasting (this month). i would just stuff food in my face, complaining how big my thigh is, or this tummy, or my butt or this cursed double chin, and still cant get the freaking up in the morning. YES, I CANT GET UP I THE MORNING! why? COZ I CANT SLEEP AT NIGHT. i'll end up sleeping by 6 or 7 am (after sahur) the waking up in the evening like, 3 or 4 pm... how am i suppose to help myself if im like this???

my unhealthy option was taking Dulcolax (laxative meds) to wash out my stomach everyday (means, pooping diarrhea on purpose). it had me feeling good, and happy when i go on my scale, but then i realized, of course this thing/method would have a side effect. so now, i seldom take em, sort of.

my weight now is 55 to 56kg.. my aim is 50 to 51. need to shape up!!! >,<

p.s: i know i can do it if i just put my mind in to it! no more fatness man!! enough!!

Really?

how my parents reacted the first time they met my boyfriend.

how rude... im decent enough ok..

lol

p.s: just finished watching Lovely Complex... a simple yet heartwarming anime.. LOVE!!

silly Questions that made me smile (sort of)

Puteri

if im a type of flower, which flower would i be?

Topet

hmmm.... a rose.

Puteri

hmm? a rose? the ones with thorns and all? why a rose?

Topet

because of the colour. its striking, just like you. striking and cheerful.

Puteri

Puteri

ok ok... another silly Question.. if i were a type of food, what would i be?

Topet

Pau.

Puteri

(i think i know why... but...) why?

Topet

obviously you know why...

Puteri

(this rotten son of a gun....) seriously??

Topet

what? i like pau. warm and easy to eat.

Puteri

im gonna take that as a sweet compliment... 

ignoring the fact that its partly perverted... >.>

p.s : roses has been always my fave flower...

p.s.s : and iv always been called siew pau since high school...

disney dream

if i were born with

BIG eyes

button nose

pink lips

fair skin

i'll be freaking disney princess by now

but im not... duhh??

sad story of my life..

lol

p.s: im loving the adult Hiccup!! cant wait for HTTYD2!! :))

POPPED from my wishlist!!

thank you mr TH..

VS BombShell loves!!!

great graduation gift!!

HYE LOOK!!

a butterfly~~

p.s: this post's purpose was to mislead you from reading the article below, so, excuse yourself and enjoy the mother freaking butterfly... thank you.. :)

Public Massacre

tho.. the title might be abit misleading...

thus, what i did cud lead to one (not literal tho)..

my whole life, in any relationship...

i have never... i repeat.. 

NEVER!! 

been soooooo embarrassed in my whole entire life!!

thus.. i'v unintentionally did it!!

omg... i was so upset..

in fact, im still upset!

i know im probably exaggerating,

but the humiliation was too great,

i feel like digging the cement floor and hide in it...

the shame was to big for me...

oh my god!!

forgive me love..

im no longer a lady..

i hv scarred my gracefulness before you.

it wasnt on purpose, i promise!!

oh god! the shame!!!!!

p.s: i farted infront of my bf... it was so awkward, i cant let him live to tell the tale...

p.s.s: no... i didnt kill him.... i just slapped him unconscious...

p.s.s.s: no... i didnt.. i lied... he's still alive.. coz i love him so much...

p.s.s.s.s: i wish i did tho....

p.s.s.s.s.s: please enjoy the butterfly above... thank you... :)

Ombre

ombre hairs are so chic...

im dying to dye~~~~

p.s: the agony of wanting!!!!!!

p.s.s: damn tumblr girls!!!!

naked

"Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul."

- Charlie Chaplin in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine

AnnaAkana

you just gotta love her..

she's brilliant and funny..

grrl crush!!

p.s: she's RayWilliamJohnson's gf... that midget guy from =3

Salam Ramadhan

happy fasting to all my muslim friends...

chase lailatul Qadar

perform your terawih as often as possible

prevent from picking your nose and ears

dont forget to sahur

and most of all,

fasting is the time to repent from your greediness... 

dont gobble and waste too much food ok?

(self reminder)

p.s: dont nap away all that extra time u have ok?

i am...

hungry

note for you

dear sweetheart,

you made me cry,
you made me laugh,
you made me angry,
not to mention you made me mad!

you made me curious,
you made me smile,
you also made me worry,
you made me yours.

to me,
you're not perfect.
but you're forever wonderful.

thank you for sharing your journey with me,
thank you for letting me share my journey with you.

love,

Puteri Nurul

energy overloaded

it has been 5 days since we've finished shooting, since i hd a job... now im totally overloaded with extra energy that's keeping me from being hyper to sluggish. i better do something about this.. but what? i was thinking of hitting the gym or go on swimming but doing things alone is just not me.. and procrastination has totally took control of me.. oh bother~

now, im only waiting for my last 2 payments, so i can pay my bills and buy my essential needs to survive (the fact that im staying with my dad.. but hey, still need to get personal stuff right?). already listing down the things and people i need to pay, stuff need to buy and need to be done with for this month.. not that anyone care.. except for the ones receiving from me.

also.. already need to plan up my hari raya. its high time for me to give other duit raya already. by 25, its already at the stage of embarrassment if i were still to receive anymore duit raya...

mai gawd peepol!! cant you see that i hv boobs big enuff to breast feed someone already??

ehem..
anyway, the fact that i hv to give out duit raya, i tend to hv this dilemma of who to give and not to give? of course, i hv to give to my mom and baby sibbies... but, i hv this mix feeling of giving out to people that will be coming to visit, other family members and kids... i dont think i have enough income to give em lot, but i dunno if im fair or not. putting that aside, my baju raya will be recycled from my graduation abaya... that beautiful abaya, and already have the shoe, also recycled.. saving alot more than usual.. lucky me! and this year, i told my mom, not to bother much of informing others that im coming. singapore is as equally as hot as malaysia, so i dont wanna end up sweating with melted make up everywhere. i wud like to just stay home and stay under my ibu's armpit... hehehe.... also, kinda of my way of avoiding "le question".......

p.s: oh well... back to blogilates... hiyahh!!

Tiny drops on Friday

it has actually been along time since iv enjoyed random blogging. i was pretty much occupied and hella freaked out since graduation.

now that the future is now, my life as a rebellious adult is over. my only concern is not 'how to get a job'.. but actually.. 'what the hell am i actually good at?' and also 'what level of confidence must i have to actually apply a job?'

those are my doubts.

true, that i had a job with my dad, but that is only a temporary job, a freelance job.. as a filming crew, a continuity girl. how long am i suppose to stay like this. i need a career, not a job. to actually pay my bills AND to help me survive my future.

tough world out there.

So today, im spending my Friday over a friend's house. my house was to quiet and lonely, only waiting for my sibbies to come and visit. i miss em.. i dont really show my emotions... but yeah, i miss em alot... and ermmm, spring cleaning need to be done, my house is a wreck!! though, i always keep my room clean. tee hee...

amazed

im seriously am amazed of how long our relationship is..

for as far as i can remember... 

my longest relationships previously only lasted 3months..

thus, i can nvr get bored of you, and how i wish you will nvr get bored of me...

eventho we're together for 2years plus...

but.. we shared our stories for over 6 years already~

and now,

 we'v already talk of weddings, family and home...

but still be a friend in my life.. :)

thank you so much for your love.. 

i wish nothing more but you..

p.s: iloveyou

towel..

just...

how many times in your ADULT LIFE..

have you forgotten to take the towel with you to the shower..

only to realized it, half way through the shower?

coz,

i've done it alot of time... >.>

bravo derpette~

p.s: luckily my room is only beside the toilet...

how i wish to...

paint my nails

or 

colour my hair...

but mr. Boyfie wudnt allow me to...

he said he has doubt in the products..

whether it is halal for prayers or not...

just to make it sound sweet..

"i prefer the original you.. black hair with clean nails..."

gahh!! i lost~

p.s: i still wish i could... >.>